


i dont recall seeing any City Lights

by Sol1t41r3



Series: the series that i write with my own blood and sweat [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: (jake is NOT allergic to peanuts), (no smut), Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Bullying, Drinking, F/F, F/M, HIgh School and maybe College, Homophobia, Human!Stuck, M/M, Minor Character Death, Smoking, Underage - Freeform, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-07-14 22:45:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 37,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7193969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sol1t41r3/pseuds/Sol1t41r3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No, seriously, I dont. We're living in a goddamn town not a city. Unless you wanna change it into Town Lights but that just sounds stupid. But I think I'm gonna roll with City Lights because it sounds cool.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. this sunday is boring as hell yo

**Author's Note:**

> This will be the worst possible sequel to the worst possible prequel.
> 
> Back again with the bad writing, title and summary.
> 
> but here's the song choice  
> [x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gbImG50oIc)

You weren’t planning to leave so early. Then again, you weren’t expecting to get so overwhelmed by his presence in a room, alone with you. Plus, you ruffled his hair before absconding the fuck outta there. All that might have been your fault. Damn, hormones man.

That wasn’t the closest you’ve been next to him though.

Well, Dirk’s gonna wonder where the hell you’re at since you just snuck out of the house when you were watching Karkat, from your window, exit his own house to do some night shopping and you don’t think that’s a great thing to do before a snowstorm brews. So the best thing to obviously do is stalk Karkat on your bike and convince him to let you give him a ride home.

After passing a few neighboring houses, you get back to your house, covered in snow and your eyes almost closed shut because you had to take off your shades to actually see something in this dark as hell neighborhood. Leaving your bike by the steps, you open the front door. Nobody would steal that anyway there’s barely any thieves around here.

You put on your shades again as you enter the house.

“Where you been?” Dirk asks, he was on the couch and sitting beside him was his boyfriend. You think his name was Jake English, something along the lines of that. He wasn’t here before so he must’ve arrived when you were gone.

“Outside.” You reply nonchalantly, peeling off your shoes and throwing them by your side of the stairs, right where your other shoes were.

“In a snowstorm?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Oh Dirk, let him be.” Jake cuts in before you could reply, he turns to you, “There’s some pizza in the fridge, help yourself, mate.” Dirk pouts at that.

“We’re not saving it for later?” Your brother is a bit of a dick sometimes. His name is even one letter away from being ‘dick’. Too bad your parents reconsidered.

Jake gives him a warning glance and Dirk leans into the sofa, with his arm laying on the armrest.

You take that moment to get the leftover pizza in the fridge; you didn’t care if it was cold. You didn’t want to be down here any longer. You’re also gonna have to take a shower upstairs because you were freezing your ass off.

Unlike at Karkat’s house, the stairs here weren’t so steep. So, you had no problem getting up.

You’re in your room in no time; you take off your jacket and toss it in the hamper. You’re gonna have to go to the laundry shop tomorrow because it was getting full and Dirk broke the washing machine. Again.

The asshole’s probably too lazy to fix it tomorrow because Jake’s here. Hopefully they have the decency to fuck when you’re out of the house.

You get around to eating the leftover pizza on your desk and leave the plate on the flat wooden surface. You’re gonna have to put that in the sink later when you’ve taken a shower. You take off your shades and lay them near the night lamp that’s on the desk. While you’re on the subject of a shower, you take your towel from its hanging place and go to the bathroom and lock the door.

You strip and shower for a few minutes. Those few minutes provided a bit of thinking time for you like always.

Maybe you should go to John’s place tomorrow and talk about things. Or chat with Rose and talk about feelings. The first one seems more appealing but the second one sounds more sensible if you’re looking to sort out your feelings about Karkat. But you don’t really feel like listening to Rose on a Sunday.

You’re probably going with the John option. Jade’s also there so maybe you guys could head out to town and go to a diner or something. If they’re free to go. Honestly, you shouldn’t think ahead so soon. Rose told you that before. That you shouldn’t think ahead unless the trip is actually gonna happen.

After a few minutes pass, you stop the water and reach for the towel that you hung up on the towel rack. You dry your body and hair then step out of the shower, stomping your feet on the mat to dry your feet. You wrap the towel around your hips and walked to the bathroom mirror.

You sigh. Of course you see nothing but yourself, red eyes staring back at you, almost mocking you. But you weren’t the only one with red eyes.

Karkat just had to come in your life. You immediately tried to become friends with him when you moved to your current school. He cussed you out faster than you could even rap. The kid’s really special, ain’t he? But like any other vulnerable dude like him, he got bullied a lot because of his red eyes while you rather kept yours hidden behind shades.

So, you made the stupid move to befriend the bullies and boss them around. Because of that, you also had to tease Karkat a bit. But at least you got some of the bullies to leave him alone. You’ve been trying to get out of the group but you knew once you left they’d bully him again. So it’s been a hard time in school.

You remember the painful looks of hatred he gave you whenever you tried to approach him. He disappears during recess and lunch; nobody really knows where he goes. Maybe to eat in peace or, something else rather than eating.

As you said earlier nobody really knows.

Your eyes leave the mirror and you decide to head back to your room.

Later, after you toss your clothes in the hamper, you put on some pajamas. You close the lights, leaving the night light on and you lay on your bed.

You forgot about the plate that you had to bring down; that could wait until morning. Instead, you think about Karkat.

He’s changed since you actually last talked to him. He seems.. tired more often than so. Like Karkat’s just given up on attempting snide replies and remarks. You feel that all this shit that’s happening to him has made him a bit more mature. But you feel that he’s giving you a chance and actually trusting you.

You stare at the dark ceiling that was barely illuminated by the last light in your room.

If your gut’s correct, then you shouldn’t fuck up that chance.

Maybe you could pull this off. Could be the greatest goddamn thing you’ve done this whole year. And it’s almost the _end_ of the year so you’ve practically been sitting on your ass, doing nothing, and watching the days pass by.

You just realized that.

You give out a sigh and stretch your arm up to reach the night light, you close it once you feel the switch in your grasp. The room turns completely dark. You’re grateful for once for the silence of the neighborhood you lived in.

Turning on your side, you give out a sigh and close your eyes.

**\----------**

The reason you were awake right now was because one of your damn posters fell from the wall and it rolled up on your face. You give out a groan and smack it off. You shouldn't really put posters on the wall beside your bed unless you want tacks in the face or a roll of huge ass paper. You were lucky that the tacks didn’t fall on your face. You don't want to fuck up your absolutely handsome face, do you?

It was early. At least you think so; you sit up to get a feel of your surroundings. Sunlight was shining through your window but you still see that it’s still snowing. But the snowstorm must be done now.

You get up on your feet and walk to the desk.

 _Yep._ You think as you peer through the window. It’s still snowing. The street was completely filled with snow. All the houses and lawns were dusted with snow.

You yawn, rubbing your eyes, and you grab the shades beside the night light. You put them on and run your hand through your hair to straighten it out because you have a serious case of the bedhead. You fix your bed and change into some other clothes.

After exiting the room, you see Dirk’s door left slightly open, letting sunlight invade the small hallway you’re in right now. You know Jake just left the door open by accident. He wakes up early whenever he stays here.

You go down the stairs, smoothly gliding your hand along the rail.

“Goodmornin’, mate.” You see Jake on the couch, watching some show. But you weren’t interested to know the name; instead you wanted to ask him something else.

You cross the living room to sit on the other couch.

“Morning. What time is it?” You ask. He chuckles softly, “Oh, you and Dirk are just the same.” His British accent cracking up slightly, probably since he just woke up.

Jake clears his throat, “It’s nearly 7 AM. You’re quite early up today.”

“Yeah, I gotta go drop off my laundry at the laundry shop. Because Dirk broke the washing machine. Again.” You add the last word with a sharp tone. 

He raises an eyebrow, “Yeah, he told me. I’m gonna tell him to fix it but we might head out to buy some parts for it because he told me that some were broken.”

“You guys better do that, but for the mean time I’m just gonna use the laundry shop.” You reply and he nods in agreement.

“But before you go, get some sandwiches that I made earlier.” Jake nods over to the dining table that was just behind the couch he was on.

You get up and walk over to the table. “Thanks.” You say while taking one and inhaling it. These are really good sandwiches. That’s one thing you like about Jake, he makes the best damn food if he was the one making it. But sadly he barely cooks when he’s here because there was barely anything he could work with.

You finish eating and go up to your room to get your laundry. After finding a large ass plastic bag, you put all of your dirty clothes in it and haul it down the stairs.

“Sure you can ride with that behind you?” Jake raises an eyebrow, following you out the door.

“The shop isn’t far,” You reply, carrying the bag in your arms, “I think I could handle it.” Jake finds a length of rope and helps you try to tie down the bag to the back seat.

“I’m not sure this can work, mate,” He says, and you shrug. “How about I just drive you there?” He raises one hand, the car keys jingling in his grasp.   

“Actually I think that’s better.”

After getting to the laundry shop, you drop off your clothes and Jake drives back to the house. Dirk was leaning in the front doorway with his arms crossed.

“So, where’d you guys go?” He asks when you get out of the car.

 “Dropped by the laundry shop.” You reply and the other blond doesn’t ask anymore. You get your bike, dusting off the thin layer of snow that formed on the handlebars and the seat.

“Where are you going now?” Dirk’s tone is more of slightly irritation. 

“Gonna see John and Jade.” You end it at that and ride down the street, over to where they lived.

It doesn’t really take you long to reach their house and once you do, you dismount your bike and knock on the front door. Jade would always be awake early because of her dog, Becquerel. You knew the dog all too well since he was always drooling over you every time you came to visit. But other than that, you think he’s alright.

And when you knock on the door again, you hear barking and scuffling on the other side. Then the door opens, it’s Jade.

“Oh hi, Dave!” She greets and you see Bec trying to sneak his way between her legs. 

“Hey, Jade. Mind I come in?” You ask.

 “No, not at all! Bec, down!” She adds the last part as an order and Bec whines. He knows it’s you, and you’re prepared for another cold and slobbery shower.

You enter the house and sit on the couch. “I’m gonna go wake up John, he’s such a sleepyhead during weekends.” Jade says, smiling at you and you nod. Becquerel follows her until she disappears up the stairs and he turns his attention to you.

You’re doomed.

The dog joins you on the couch and gives you a lick on the side of your head. “Hey, that’s not cool, man. We’re not gonna make this a thing where you non-stop lick my face every time I visit here, alright?” You try to push him off but he just lies on your lap, completely immovable.

Becquerel’s really damn heavy.

He was just there on your lap for a few silent moments until he lifts his head again, his tongue lolling out and his ears pricking then he swivels his head towards the staircase. You follow his gaze and you could faintly hear Jade’s voice echoing from upstairs. Then the dog got off you and walked to the front of the stairs, his furry white tail wagging behind him.

John and Jade came stumbling down the stairs after a few seconds. John looks like he walked through a blizzard minus the snow and he had this annoyed expression on his face.

“Someone might have woken up in the wrong side of bed this morning.” You smirk.

“You know I don’t wake up early, Dave.” John sighs, his voice still heavy with sleep. Everybody wants to sleep in when it’s the weekends, you can’t really blame them. You’d still be sleeping right now if it wasn’t for that poster that fell on your face. That reminds you, you’d have to put that up somewhere it can't fall.

They sit beside you, John on the right and Jade on the left respectively. Becquerel took his place on the floor in front of Jade.

“So,” You say, breaking the ice, “How are you guys?”

“We’re fine.” Jade replies.

“We’re gonna go to Washington to visit Nanna and Poppop.” John rubs his eyes under his rectangular-ish glasses.

“Now? Today? That was today?” You raise an eyebrow. You remember them talking about it like last week but you weren’t expecting them to leave today.

“Yeah, it’s today,” John replies, “We’re gonna leave at 9.”

“How long are you guys gone?”

“Probably a few days but we’re not gonna take a week,” Jade pipes up beside you, “Unless if there’s any problems but I’m sure that there won’t be any!” You notice her lean forward a bit and stare pointedly at John.

“Alright, alright. I’m gonna pack the rest of my stuff later.” He gives out another yawn. You chuckle. Everybody changes drastically sometimes when away from school. Heck, if you didn’t talk to or visit John and Jade so much you’d think that they were just these cheerful people that joked and felt lively about everything. But apparently they weren’t like that most of the time.

You stand up, “Well, I think I should go now, seeing as you guys should get ready.” They both nod and follow you to the front door. You get your bike that you left on the lawn.

“Say hello to your grandparents for me!" You shout and mount your bike, riding away from their house. Not forgetting to take a couple of quick glances back until you finally turn your eyes on the road.

Maybe you could go check out what Karkat’s doing.

You stop in front of Karkat’s house and leave the bike beside the picket fences. What you failed to see while you were walking to the front door were the tire marks that came up in the driveway and disappeared just in front of the closed garage door.

Once you were up the steps, you knock on the door. Thinking that Karkat’s weird ass brother would answer the door but what was behind the open door was his dad. Tall, maybe a 5’6 but you were just a few inches shorter. His eyes and hair were the same shade of dark brown just like Karkat’s hair. You’d think that his dad was just like a grown up version of Karkat if he wasn’t so.. manly.

Like seriously, this guy has some fucking guns. You think you’ve heard that he was once a Marine. Real great dude, right? Well, he doesn’t look so great when he’s staring you down with this fixed scowl on his face. You think you now know where Karkat got that infamous scowl of his.

“Yes?” The adult asks in a gruff voice. For a moment you couldn’t bring yourself to speak.

“What is it?” He raises an eyebrow, his tone had a hint of confusion in it.

Speak, you dumbass.

“Uh.. I’m lookin’ for Karkat.”

“Oh,” You swear you could see him frown for a split second before turning around. “Karkat, someone’s at the door for you!” His dad leaves you outside after shouting that. A few seconds after, Karkat’s head popped out to see who I was.

He clenches his jaw, “What do you want?”

“I just stopped by to check if you wanted to hang, man.”

“ _No,_ ” He pinches the bridge of his nose, “We are _not_ friends alright? You make my life shittier than it is now, so could you just fuck off?”

You shrug, “You hurt me with your words, man. I’m just asking if you were up for hanging out and you’re all aggressive about this.”

“ _Fuck off_.” Karkat repeats, an irritated tone in his voice, and he shuts the door in your face.

 _That went well_. You think.

Maybe he was pissy because his parents were home. But you guess that he isn’t exactly glad to see you no matter what the situation is. You just got lucky that he believed you yesterday when you said that he wasn’t gonna make it to his house without walking through the snowstorm if he didn’t ride on your bike.

You decide to go back home and chat with Rose since you considered her a last resort, and plus you didn’t really have anything else to do. Why was everybody occupied today? By everyone you mean the only people you consider as friends, even Karkat. Though he doesn’t call you a friend but you’re chill with that.

You’re in your wheelie chair, waiting for your laptop to start up. The desktop finally loads and you open Pesterchum. Lucky you, Rose is on right now. You click on her handle and start typing.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG]  began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

TG: hey lalonde you up for some talking

TT: I suppose you want to talk about Karkat?

TG: how do you make those damn predictions right off the bat

TG: i only just messaged you

TG: like seriously you do that most of the time and youre almost always right

TT: I’ve come to expect that it’s always the most recent problems you’re having make you want to acquire some advice from me.

TT: Like right now, you’re currently having some problems that you’ve been talking about since the last time we’ve had a conversation. What else would you talk to me about besides your problems?

TG: hey dont judge me

TG: youre the one who tries to give advice whenever i talk to you about some silly crisis im having and since most of your advice actually makes sense why not pry some more  bat shit crazy divine counseling from you

TG: heck youre even better than the school counselor and believe me that the guy does not know what hes talking about i cant even sit through a few minutes of his pointless shit

TG: why apply for the job when you cant even understand the people youre trying to advise

TG: see youre even better than the official thing

TG: werent you planning to be some kind of doctor before

TT: I see your attempts to change the topic and I’m going to let them work for a while before cutting to the chase.

TT: And partially yes. I have thought once about being a psychoanalyst and such but I’m focusing more on English classes now so I say that the thought has dissolved a long  time ago.

TT: Back to the original topic. So, what are you going to ramble about now?

TG: karkat duh

TG: you already stumped me earlier so why ask again you know the drill lalonde

TT: Enlighten me on the topic. What’s happening with you two now?

TG: well shit i dont know i picked up the guy last night

TG: let him ride on my bike since there was a snowstorm who goes out before a snowstorm anyway

TT: Maybe he was ill-informed about the storm. Was he doing something?

TG: yeah some grocery shopping and i was just smoking a cig outside of the store and saw him just casually walking out of the doors then i thought hey why not ride him home

TG: so i did and i stayed at his house for a while until i asked him if we could go to his room and he said sure he was clearly hypnotized by me

TG: i smoked a few in his room and talked to him a bit then i left

TT: You went out in the storm?

TG: well what could i do

TG: i kinda wanted to get out of there pronto

TT: My question is why you stayed there in the first place, you could have gone to your house after dropping Karkat at his house. Your job was done so why the decision to stay at his house for a while?

TG: man i dont know the reason for almost everything i fucking do so dont attack me with questions like that rose

TG: but yeah

TG: today i just went to johns and theyre gonna be out in washington for the next few days so i went over to karkats again and his parents were home and he told me to fuck off

T G: so i did

TG: and thats my adventure of how i got stuck here with you

TG: its exciting isnt it

TG: ps its not im bored out of my mind

TT: I see.

TT: Well are you still going to talk about Karkat? I have enough time on my hands.

TG: sure you do you always have time for my bullshit

TT: I’m merely just putting up with you. Like the good friend I am.

TG: whatever lalonde

TG: so about karkat i dont know

TG: should i still stay with those bully guys or tell him how heroic i am trying to stop them from bullying him

TG: i just want all this confusion to end like right the fuck now and if i spend another day with the goons my brain will slowly melt and form a waterfall in and outside of my ears

TG: you know what im trying to say

TT: Sadly, I do. But what I would advise you to do is just talk to him, maybe after school in a secluded place.

TG: how the hell would i get him into a secluded place its not like i can just kidnap him and talk somewhere

TG: i dont think hed even trust me enough to talk privately

TG: im supposedly the one that made his life a living hell remember

TT: Just give it a try, he did believe you yesterday. I’m sure he’ll give you a chance if you don’t come off as desperate or douchebag-ish.

TG: jesus youre really gonna tell me this

TG: fine ill try but if i fuck up i blame you rose

TG: i blame you for making me look stupid

TT: Don’t be a baby, Dave.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

And she logs off. Just like that.

“You are _pissy_ , Rose.” You mutter, though that wasn’t the worst thing she’s ever said, it didn’t pass by you so quickly. But what would you expect; she’s been tolerating when you were getting advice from her since four years ago. She’s got better things to do.

You, on the other hand, don’t have better things to do.

Homework was done yesterday so you wouldn’t have to put up with Dirk telling you to do it. You push your shades up to your hair.

It was only a quarter to 8 AM, not even half the day. You were already bored, so you think you could settle for a few cigs. It was a habit that you picked up from Dirk but at least he rarely does it now. You get up from your chair and open the window then you grab a spare pack that you hid in your desk for whenever you needed it. It still had two rows left; you take one and leave the small box on the top of the desk.

Several minutes later, you realize you’ve smoked a whole row because a) obviously there’s only one row left and b) there was a lot of cigarette butts on your windowsill.  So much for the existence of your lungs.  You should also buy an ashtray.

You decide to spend the day watching YouTube videos. The only time that you pried your eyes away from your laptop screen was when you heard the sound of a car driving by and you look out the open window. It was John and Jade’s car; it must have been 9 at that time.

After that, you continue watching videos. Changing tabs every so often to see if anything’s happening.


	2. im starting to think that this bothering karkat thing is too much but hey he called for me this time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit ive died im sorry. problems are holding my writing up :[
> 
> this is the song now  
> [x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCpZL27SOk0)

Monday comes, and you are not looking forward to school.

The usual people come up to you once you enter the classroom. You get a quick glance at Karkat who was in his seat, which was in the back. He was looking through the window. At least they weren’t crowding around him like most mornings.

And of course, John and Jade weren’t here because they were on that trip.

“Hey Strider,” One of the goons, Asshole 1 you decided to call him, grabs your shoulder, “What do you say, we warm up our little chum over there for later?” He nods over to Karkat.

“Not today.” You reply gruffly, shaking off his hand from your shoulder. You find it annoying when they follow you to your desk.

“What do you mean ‘not today’? We’ve been waiting since forever to pay that little shit a proper beating,” another guy, Asshole 2, growls, “You remember? When he got Ampora expelled?” You stiffen ever so slightly at the name. He didn’t exactly leave great memories for you.

“Ampora’s kicked out. He ain’t here anymore, and unless you wanna go down like him, I saw we don’t need to pay him anything.” Your tone is flat, emotionless. You could even say that you are the best person to ever pull off a monotone by the pissed off look that Asshole 2 is giving you. You drop your bag under your table.

“Whatever, man. I’m doing Ampora some fuckin’ justice and if you’re not gonna do that then we will.” The rest of the group nodded and talked to each other in hushed whispers.

You grab him by the shirt and he gives out a surprised pathetic squeak. The class quiets down; from the corner of your eyes, you could also see people looking at you both. But you think you have enough self-control to resist the urge to throw a punch at him.

“Cut this shit out or I will fuck you up in more ways than one. I’m havin’ a bad day and you know better than to cross me today.” You partially lie, gripping his shirt tighter. You could see his expression through your shades. Fear. You let him go after a few seconds and he scrambles backwards, bumping into the people behind him.

That should probably make him get the point to not bother you _or_ Karkat.

They went back to their seats when the teacher entered the room.

**\----------**

They didn’t bother you for the following periods. But you’re not sure if they troubled Karkat since there were a few classes where you were in a different room.

It was, you think, recess when you went out looking for him.

You wanted to talk to Karkat. You just wanted to explain what you were trying to do and that you weren’t really against him. And fuck, that seemed easier when you thought about it but when you tracked him to his locker; you were at a loss for words. It wasn’t like you were shocked at what was in his locker, who knows what creepy shit he keeps in there. In fact, he didn’t even open it; he just turned around to face you, asking what the hell you want.

 You just wanted to talk to him.

But this wasn’t really how you envisioned it. Karkat glaring at you with his back pressed against the lockers while you’re trying to grasp for words to say. No, it went smoother than this and you were collected as shit.

That wasn’t how real life worked though.

Real life just ups and smacks you several times in the face, leaving you fucked up and traumatized for years to come.

“I just wanna talk, alright?” You rubbed the back of your neck, keeping an eye out for anyone that might notice the two of you.

“ _Talk?”_  He raises an eyebrow, as if he wasn’t sure whether to decide if you were serious or joking. But you think the blank look on your face says ‘serious’ enough. Karkat stares at you through your aviators, trying to sense any change of emotion from you.

He doesn’t back down from you and you give credit to him for that. The brunet instead opens his mouth to ask, “When and where?” Karkat narrows his eyes.

“The park,” You reply after a few moments of thinking, “After school.” Your last class is different from his and you just hope he comes.  Instead, he shoves you away to regain the space between you and him and he leaves the scene. 

But you swore that you heard him mutter, “I’ll think about it.” before he fled.

**\----------**

You didn’t see Karkat in his class room after last period so he probably got out early. You give the security guard a wave and a fake smile then go to the post where you regularly chain your bike and ride to the park to see if he was there.

And he was.

By the playground, you could see him on one of the swings. You felt a smile creeping up on your face but you forced your lips to straighten out. It’s kind of hard not to smile when you see Karkat wanting to talk as well. At least, you guess he wants to talk.

“’Sup, thought you weren’t gonna come.” You say when you stop near the swings, getting off your bike and leaning it against the metal frame of the swings. You slide off the bag that was on your back and dump it beside your bike before sitting on the vacant swing next to Karkat. He rolls his eyes enough to move the Earth.

“You thought I wasn’t coming because I didn’t wait for you? Well, news flash! I can handle myself, asshole.” He growls.

“I bet you missed riding backseat though.”

“This park isn’t even a block away,” Karkat says, averting his gaze from you, “I don’t need a goddamn kiddy ride from you.”

You grip the chains of the swing you’re sitting on, “Hey, doesn’t hurt to use the bike, right?”

“Just tell me what you want to say.”

You clamp your mouth shut, you didn’t even think about what to say on the way here, you’re stupid. What were you gonna say? What the hell would you even start to talk about?

“Right, since you clearly did _not_ think about what bullshit spouts out of your mouth. I’m gonna ask, what the hell was that stand-off earlier at first period?” He questions, raising an eyebrow. You stare at him and look away.

“They were gonna beat the shit out of you.”

“Well you didn’t do such a good job of preventing that,” Karkat replies. So they did make a move on him, “Actually, first off, why would you care anyway? All you’ve done for me is become a douchebag and a stalker. I don’t need any more problems, Strider!”

“Woah, wait a sec. How the hell did I become a stalker?” You whip your head around to meet Karkat’s glare, but he doesn’t know that you’re eye-to-eye with him.

He crosses his arm, “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe when you followed me to my locker at school and when you followed me on your bike last Saturday?”

“At least I followed you on my bike with the intention to _help_ you. Emphasis on help, that’s an important word. And I’m pretty sure you knew that I was following you to your locker.” You defend.

“I didn’t know it was you,” Karkat growls, “It could’ve been anyone for all I care.”

“But really. I’m just... tryin’ to help you, man,” You sigh, letting go off the swing chains and you run your hand through your blond hair, “If you hadn’t noticed.”

“ _How_ are you trying to help me?” It seems like he still doesn’t get it.

“Listen, I just joined them because I was looking out for you, but since I was with them, I had to roll with them as well to make them think I was on their side.”

“I don’t get why you’re trying to look out for me. You could have just left me alone and not get stuck in this fucking mess.” You sigh in frustration; Karkat was a bit more thick-headed than you thought he was, for a guy that’s been reading and watching romcoms his whole life he sure doesn’t know much about people.

“Am I missing something obvious? Is that it?” He asks, “Are you trying to do some dramatic fucking reveal ‘bout some assfuckery you’ve been meaning to say?”

You’re silent for the next few moments and you come to a decision.

In one move, you remove your aviator shades and stare at the ground to let your eyes adjust; after blinking a few times you turn to Karkat. His expression morphs to complete surprise, then horror and he gives you a cold glare.

“Is this some sick joke?” He chokes a bit while asking; the tone of denial was clear in his question.

You huff and put your shades back on, “Why the fuck would this be a joke? Even if these were contacts I’d take them off. Goddamn, you don’t even believe the truth when it’s right in front of your eyes.”

“I didn’t exactly say I didn’t believe the color of your eyes!”

“It sure sounded like you didn’t want to believe it though.” Karkat looks away from you; he knows that you’re right. But still, if you didn’t exactly wish for both of you to have the same eye color, you still had to deal with it. You don’t like him for his eyes though.

“What the fuck are you?” He asks, still not looking at you but you could hear the undertone of tiredness in his voice.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re not a friend, you’re not a bully now, I guess. Since you’ve said your true ‘intentions’.”

“How about acquaintance?”

“Like fucking hell you’re an acquaintance. I’ve known you for what, two years now?”

“What do two years give a shit about, dude? Let’s just start this over and act like all the stuff in the past didn’t happen.”

Karkat shifts uneasily, drawing out a few metallic groans from his swing, “It’s really hard to forget about something that’s been happening to you for fucking two years, you know that right?”

“Better to live an’ let those memories die, man,” You murmur, “Ain’t worth the hassle of letting them remind you of the shit you went through.”

“How about you?” He questions, you catch the glance he aims at you and he looks away again.

“Well, as for me. I’m leavin’ those pains in the ass, let them deal with themselves. And if they turn up, no harm in telling me. They can’t seem to learn their lessons.” You think Karkat knows who you’re talking about.

The male on the other swing gives out a dry chuckle, “Don’t expect me to open up to you all of a fucking sudden, all this truce bullshit’s got my head spinning.” You manage to keep your lips in a straight line, not conveying any emotions but you could feel a spark of hope between you two. It may have seemed cliché and all but it seemed like all this only happened in movies and you think Karkat could be thinking the same thing.

Maybe Rose’s advice isn’t so bad after all.

**\----------**

The days pass by faster now that you don’t put up with as much shit as before. The hoard of assholes didn’t try to bother you after that time you almost landed your fist on one of their faces. But of course they still bother Karkat; you try to take note of where he is most of the time so he doesn’t get cornered somewhere with the goons. Sometimes he appreciates the help, sometimes he doesn’t, you don’t blame him. It’s not so easy having someone stand up for you when all your life you’ve been alone and trying to stand up for yourself.

Other than that, he’s been passive towards you while you keep pestering him. One day, you decided to follow him during lunch break to see where he goes, he was a bit wary of you, eyeing you like you might pull a knife on him or something. Maybe the brunet was too paranoid but you could deal with that. Cause hey, this is Karkat right? The person you’ve had an undeniable crush on since you moved here.

_You’re working that friendship real good there._

So at the end of your trip, you discover that he’s just been hiding out in the school gazebo near one of the side gates. You don’t doubt that this is a cool place for a hideaway since who would walk across the high school grounds during recess and lunch break just to get to this place? Karkat would.

And maybe you would too.

You spend your breaks here with Karkat now, he doesn’t talk much but when he does it’s mostly about his problems and stuff like that in his life, but you’re fine with that, you don’t mind. He’s always self-conscious so he lets you talk about other things rather than himself. On some days, you try to convince him that he can ramble all he wants but he just stays silent.

You ask him sometimes about his life to get him to talk, not too personal stuff though. You’ve asked him once about his family, Karkat described them as, “Self-absorbed asshole motherfuckers who just care about themselves.” To be truthful, you’ve seen enough of that in his older brother, Kranki was it? Or is it Carlos? Fuck, wait, his name is Kankri, where the hell did you get Carlos from? Actually, do you even know a person named Carlos to begin with? Too many questions, too little time.

You don’t know what you’re thinking about right now, but what you do know is that Karkat obviously has a rough time in his house.

**\----------**

Christmas Break eventually comes around; you stay in your house, chatting with John over Pesterchum.  You should probably tell Rose what’s been happening now but for the mean time you’re talking with John.

GT: so are you gonna go anywhere for christmas break?

TG: nah i dont think so

GT: we haven’t planned any trips yet either. because, you know there’s homework and stuff. and homework sucks.

TG: exactly finally somebody in this world that understands jackshit

GT: yeah!

GT: oh and how are you and karkat coming along? you haven’t been talking to me and jade much at school! in fact we see you with him most of the time now.

TG: karkat

TG: uh

TG: we talked a while back when you guys were on that trip to washington you remember that

TG: i told him what i told you and i guess were friends now idk

TG: he doesnt talk a lot shockingly i thought hed word vomit the fuck out of me

GT: i don’t think he’s one for conversations since it looks like he’s been alone for a long time. but hey, since you’ve been hanging out with him on school days, maybe you could join me and jade at the diner?

TG: woah what youre at the diner??

GT: we’ve been here since we started talking, you wanna hang here?

TG: sure i dont know why you couldnt have just told me earlier dude

GT: well jade told me to talk you up a bit before asking

TG: bro weve been talking for a lot of minutes now you dont need to talk me up before asking me on a three way date

You stare at the screen for a few seconds before registering what you just typed.

Wait shiiit, back up there.

TG: wait shit scratch that pretend i never said that

GT: that’s just gross, dave!

TG: thats why i told you to pretend i never said it now hold on for a few minutes while i ready up and get there

You shut down your laptop and change out of your pajamas, putting on some jeans and one of your record shirts. It wasn’t too cold so you could settle with not bringing a jacket. You get your house keys and your phone beside the laptop and leave the room.

The house is silent when you descend the stairs, although it doesn’t bother you, it’s still uncanny during weekdays especially when you’re used to hearing the TV on all day throughout the weekends and if it wasn’t the TV it would be Dirk’s stereo, playing all your brother’s damn good beats and sometimes even yours. You’d make more tracks for him to play but you rarely use your turntables and other mixing stuff now, you just haven’t been feeling that motivation like before

You go outside and lock the front door; you unchain your bike and walk a few steps towards the side walk, you get on then start working on the pedals. When passing by Karkat’s house, you slow down a bit, wondering what he could be doing right now.

Well whatever he’s doing, he’s probably not gonna contact you for a bit on Pesterchum, you spent a few good days badgering him about his chumhandle and he finally told you. His handle is carcinoGeneticist; it apparently means like cancer something. You don’t really know why he made it that, but a handle is a handle.

The diner is just across the street from the grocery store. Honestly, the distance is nothing when you’re on your bike so you get there in a flash when you work your legs and if nothing bad happens.  You lock your bike to one of the stands and enter the diner.

“Dave, over here!” You look for the source of your name and see John, sitting in one of the booths at the sides. Jade was beside him. You walk towards them, your hands shoved into your pockets.

“Hey, how’re my two main people, huh?” You give them a smile once you’re standing near the booth; you put your palms against the table. There were remains of some waffles and bacon strips on the two plates on the table, John and Jade probably ate the same thing earlier and shit, you pat your pockets and realize you forgot your wallet.

You hope that one of them is up for paying for you. Anyways, you sit down across from them and they both give you a smile then John answers you earlier question.

You spend the a few hours at the diner, exchanging stories with the cousins. It’s nice talking with them again, you think you’re overdoing it a bit with being a _bit_ obsessed Karkat. Somewhere mid-conversation, John also orders a waffle and bacon meal for you too although Jade thinks it’s a bit too late for waffles and bacons in the afternoon, but hey! It’s never too late for bacon waffles as you and John agreed on.

That’s one of the reasons John’s been your best bro for years.

But still, you’ve noticed at times that John seemed uneasy or maybe Jade laughs somewhat nervously. Like something was wrong with you and they were just acting weird, trying hard to hide it. You also caught them exchange a few glances but you didn’t let that bother you. You kind of wanted to ask them what was wrong though.

Nonetheless, you attempted to keep the mood up.

The conversation lasted until you guys finally decided to leave the diner because of a text John got from his dad. It’s been getting a bit late anyway, and there were fewer people at the diner. You walk with them. The trip back was quite silent, the only sound you could hear was the noisy turning of the gears on your bike and somehow that made the atmosphere awkward.

Your phone also rings when you pass by the gate that marked the entrance of the subdivision. You take it out of your pocket while keeping hold of the handlebars of your bike with your right hand.

“Who is it?” Jade, who’s on your left, tries to get a good look of your screen. You don’t a good look of it yourself but you could guess whose gray letters those are.

It’s Karkat.

“It’s just my bro.” You reply, sliding it back in your pocket.

“What did he say?” John pipes up; he was walking beside Jade.

“Eh, nothin’ much really.” You shrug. John and Jade buy the lie and they don’t press you any further. It’s weird, they usually pester you about subjects like those.. You almost think that they feel uncomfortable around you now, but that can’t be right? These guys have been your friends for years but you guess that suddenly moving here from Texas is kind of... sudden.

_What else would it be like, dumbass?_

You make a small remind to yourself to read what Karkat messaged to you when you reach your house. Or maybe you could just bail on John and Jade but that wouldn’t be so cool of you.

But, seriously, even after moving here. You’re not so good with social stuff, sure you could keep a conversation going but it gets awkward sometime.

You finally reach your house, you say your good-byes to John and Jade then lead your bike to the closed garage door and lean it against there. You make sure that the two teenagers aren’t there anymore and check your phone.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

CG: HEY, UH

CG: WHERE ARE YOU?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah this is rather bad everything about this series is bad and id love to keep it that way
> 
> you also mightve noticed that i used "ghostyTrickster" for john because unknown reasons


	3. a hangout is very different from a date. very very different

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theres no song for this one 
> 
> ill have you people know that when i wrote "TG: its entirely no homo as john would say" i forgot to write "no". so its entirely homo. and this also took a lot of copypasting

TG: just hanging out on my lawn with the grass

TG: the grass is really cool btw

TG: why

CG: OH, YOU FINALLY REPLIED. HERE I WAS THINKING THAT IT WAS GONNA TAKE CENTURIES.

TG: woah slow down there i got other priorities vantas

TG: if youre looking to get my attention you gotta be on the waiting list

CG: HA. THAT’S VERY FUCKING FUNNY.

CG: LAST TIME I CHECKED, YOU FOLLOW ME AROUND AT SCHOOL LIKE A CLINGY FUCKING BASTARD, ALWAYS BUGGING THE FUCK OUT OF ME.

TG: well were not in school now right

TG: excuse me while i chill with the grass

TG: dude theyre even chiller than you

CG: WELL GUESS WHAT.

CG: I DON’T GIVE A SINGLE SHIT ABOUT THE GRASS!

CG: AND YOU’RE LEANING AGAINST YOUR GARAGE DOOR BESIDE YOUR BIKE, YOU ASS.

You look up, turning your head to the left. Karkat’s house isn’t that far away so you could see the left side and some of the front of it. And if you look closely at the left wall, you could see Karkat standing by the window situated in his room. Then it looks like he’s stretching out his hand and aiming his middle finger at you.

TG: whos watching who now jesus dont spy on me like that

TG: and retract that hand right now

CG: YOU’RE A GODDAMN HYPOCRITE AND DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, SHITBAG.

CG: AS FAR AS I KNOW, YOU TRY TO SIPHON EVERY FUCKING PIECE OF INFORMATION ABOUT WHERE I AM AT SCHOOL.

TG: will you ever appreciate the effort i put into that

TG: like man this aint the rejection i deserve

TG: *cue the manly tears

CG: OH JESUS CHRIST SHUT UP

TG: i am not jesus christ im dave get your facts straight

CG: HI DAVE, I’M DAD.

CG: NOW ALL JOKES ASIDE. STOP TYPING, I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF YOU MAKE A DAD JOKE.

TG: hi dad

CG: STOP, NO.

TG: im dad

CG: FUCK OFF.

TG: wait this is so wrong if im your dad and youre my dad

TG: whos the real dad here

TG: shit karkat were having some identity crisis here

CG: I DID NOT MESSAGE YOU TO TALK ABOUT DADS, ALRIGHT?

TG: what did you message me for then

CG: I’D TELL YOU IF YOU’D LET ME TYPE FOR ONCE.

TG: mm go on

CG: NO, FUCKING STOP. IF THAT TYPING NOTIFICATION DOESN’T GO AWAY I’M NOT TELLING YOU SHIT AT ALL.

CG: OKAY.

CG: I WAS KIND OF BORED, ALRIGHT? AND I FIGURED SINCE YOU TOLD ME TO MESSAGE YOU WHENEVER I WANT TO CONTACT YOU.

CG: DON’T SMIRK, ASSHOLE. I CAN SEE YOU CLEARLY FROM HERE.

TG: how can you even see my face from there youre so far away goddamn

TG: are you suddenly gonna reveal that you have some super vision shit because i can barely see your face from here

TG: youre seriously as tiny as an ant

TG: or are you just guessing because i smirk a lot

CG: I’VE SPENT ENOUGH OF MY TIME WATCHING OTHER PEOPLE TO RECOGNIZE SIMPLE EMOTIONS OR BODY LANGUAGE.

TG: youre still so far fucking away

TG: also are you saying that youve been staring at different people for two years

TG: that just takes your stalking up to the next level kat

CG: DON’T CALL ME KAT, DOUCHEBAG.

CG: AND THE TERM YOU’RE LOOKING FOR IS OBSERVATION, NOT STALKING.

TG: whatever you say

TG: so what if i go inside then

CG: THEN GO INSIDE! FRANKLY, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT THE HELL YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW, I’M JUST LOOKING AROUND TO TALK TO SOMEONE.

TG: besides adam sandler right

TG: dude you cant just dump adam bc youre bored

CG: ADAM SANDLER IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

TG: alright im going in now

After chaining your bike to the garage door handle, you make a couple of big steps to avoid getting too much snow in your shoes and reach the front door. Dirk still wasn’t home at this time so you used your keys to get in.

The house is comfortably warm and snug despite the cold climate; and it just came to you as a realization that you never experienced snow until you moved here, a bit weird since it’s been a two years and half? Something like that, you don’t pay attention to time much.

You’d be missing Texas if the bad memories didn’t outweigh the good ones. But the bad memories were kept bottled up in the back of your mind so they wouldn’t bother you so much and you tried to focus on the good memories.

CG: HEY, DO YOU EVER JUST CONTEMPLATE YOUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE AND HOW YOU ENDED UP IN THIS FUCKED UP LIFE?

TG: i think everyone does that but if youre specifically asking me

TG: then yes i think about my existence and what purpose i have in this shithole of a universe

CG: OH.

You lock the door behind you and take off your shoes then go up to your room. Turning on the heater, you sit at the desk and lay your phone on it. Karkat doesn’t message you for a while and you don’t have anything to ask or say to him at the moment.

 _A little smoke wouldn’t hurt._ You think and open the desk drawer slightly, reaching into it with your hand until you can feel the cigarette pack and the lighter then you take both objects and get up to walk to the closed window. You open it with your free hand and the chilly air expectedly rushes at your face.  The window is also on the left side of the house, so your room is Karkat’s room location-wise.

Once a cigarette is lit, you hold it steadily between your lips and put the pack and the lighter back on the desk. Karkat is still by the window in his room, and he’s still looking in your direction, not moving at all until he pulls out something that you think is his phone and your own phone rings again.  You grab it and look at what he’s messaged you.

CG: WHY DO YOU SMOKE? IT LOOKS LIKE A STUPID FUCKING HABIT FOR YOU.

TG: idk man its just kind of for stress and all that stuff

CG: HOW ARE YOU HAVING STRESS RIGHT NOW, YOU’RE NOT EVEN DOING ANYTHING. THE FUCK?

CG: TELL ME, IS IT JUST FOR THE SAKE OF SMOKING? DO YOU JUST HAVE NOTHING TO DO IN YOUR LIFE ANYMORE AND NOW YOU THINK THAT SMOKING’S GONNA CHANGE SOMETHING?

TG: what makes you think that

TG: shit man i have a lot to do in my life

Not true.

CG: LIAR.

TG: okay why are you suddenly all about this smoking habit i have its not like affecting you in any way possible

CG: BUT IT DOES AFFECT YOU, DOESN’T IT?

CG: ASSHOLE, I DON’T NEED SOMEONE I KNOW TO GET LUNG CANCER OR WHATEVER, NO MATTER HOW MUCH I DISLIKE THAT PERSON. I DON’T LITERALLY WISH FOR THEM TO FUCK OFF AND DIE.

TG: thing about lung cancer is that its so fucking ironic dude

TG: like because your handle means cancer scientist or something

CG: DON’T BRING MY GODDAMN HANDLE INTO THIS, ASSMUNCH.

CG: BESIDES, WHAT DOES SMOKING ACHIEVE? DOES IT REWARD YOU IN ANY FUCKING WAY THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO DO IT MORE?

TG: look a habit is a habit you cant change that

CG: WHATEVER. FUCK ME FOR WONDERING WHY YOU SMOKE SO MUCH.

TG: how come youre so talkative on pesterchum but not in real life

CG: HOW COME YOU’RE STILL AS DOUCHEBAGGY AS BEFORE? I’M NOT GOOD AT CONVERSATIONS, IF YOU HADN’T NOTICED THAT YET, DICKBAG. I DON’T TALK MUCH.

TG: its funny since your quirk makes you look like youre shouting and you type a lot it really doesnt fit you

CG: YEAH, OKAY. WHATEVER YOU SAY.

CG: BUT STILL, CAN YOU PLEASE JUST DROP THE FUCKING SMOKING HABIT WHEN I’M AROUND? I’M ASKING POLITELY.

TG: sure want some fries and a drink with that

TG: i really dont get why you care about what im doing right now after saying quote *FRANKLY, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT THE HELL YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW, I’M JUST LOOKING AROUND TO TALK TO SOMEONE.* unquote

TG: the vantas i know wouldnt give a single shit if i dive into an aquarium full of piranhas

CG: GOD, STOP EXPECTING THE SAME BULLSHIT FROM ME JUST LIKE ANY OTHER PERSON THAT MAKES A COMPLETE ASSHOLE OF THEMSELVES JUST BECAUSE THEY’RE JUDGING ME.

CG: I’M TIRED OF ALL YOU SHITSTICKS BEING SO FUCKING EXPECTANT AND CLOSE-MINDED.

CG: NEVERMIND ABOUT WHAT I SAID EARLIER, I REGRET TALKING TO YOU.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is now an idle chum! --

TG: wait shit

TG: sorry if i offended vantas

TG: how about we just talk about something else

TG: are you going anywhere for christmas?

TG: hey come on get back to me

You discard your short-lived cigarette, dropping it into the trashcan beside your table.

TG: ill even drop the cigarette

TG: ...

Karkat isn’t seen through the window anymore.

TG: i guess ill just talk about myself if you wanna hear that

TG: well were not really going anywhere for christmas because homework and shit like that but theres a chance that dirks in a good mood because jake is gonna stay here because christmas is on a weekend and maybe hes gonna take us out for dinner somewhere in the town

TG: and if that doesnt happen maybe john and jade are celebrating at their house so i might crash there

TG: because they told me earlier that they dont have any plans yet

TG: or yknow

TG: if youre not going anywhere maybe we could hang out somewhere

TG: yeah

TG: well you havent logged off yet

TG: im waiting

TG: this is great just great

TG: goddamnit karkat im too restless for this bs youre putting up just log off if youre upset and shit

TG: dont leave me hanging on a line here im gonna stay on until you log off and shit

TG: i need a doctor to bring me back to life

TG: wake me up wake me up inside

TG: i swear i will type all the lyrics of this song if you dont reply or if you dont log off

TG: sometimes i sing the song for ironic purposes yknow

TG: i have some golden pipes here if you want me to sing anything

TG: man i swear if youre fucking with me and making me talk all by myself on purpose

CG: ALRIGHT, I’M BACK.

CG: HOLY SHIT YOU’VE WRITTEN AN ESSAY HERE, JESUS CHRIST STRIDER.

TG: wait what back from where

CG: KANKRI WAS CALLING ME FOR SOME STUPID REASON.

CG: ALSO, YOU DIDN’T OFFEND ME MUCH BUT YOU WERE CROSSING THE LINE SO FUCK YOU FOR THAT.

TG: yeah alright but seriously tell me next time if youre gonna have to disappear for a bit

TG: i thought i was going insane

CG: YOU’RE BORDERLNE INSANE ALREADY. AND DON’T FILL THE CHAT WITH THE LYRICS OF THAT STUPID WAKE ME UP SONG I’VE SEEN IT CIRCULATING AROUND THE INTERNET ENOUGH.

TG: save me from the nothing ive become

CG: DO YOU WANT ME TO TALK OR NOT?

CG: ANYWAYS, WE’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE FOR ANY HOLIDAY AT ALL.

CG: MY FAMILY’S SHITTY LIKE THAT. BUT AT LEAST I DON’T HAVE TO BE SOCIAL ALL THE TIME.

TG: if its like that youre missing out dude

TG: do you even know what the entire town looks like

CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF SEEING THE WHOLE TOWN IF I DON’T EVEN GO OUT? EXCUSE ME BUT I’D RATHER BE INDOORS WHERE NOBODY CAN BOTHER ME EXCEPT MY SHIT BROTHER AND SHIT PARENTS.

CG: OH, AND YOU TOO.

TG: you messaged me first though

TG: geez

TG: come on if youre not going anywhere ill walk you around

TG: maybe well even eat at the diner

CG: NO THANKS, I’M DONE WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD.

TG: how can you say no to the bacon waffles

TG: holy shit have you ever even tasted bacon waffles yet?

CG:

CG: NO.

TG: thats it thats the last straw

TG: you *need* to come with me to the diner

TG: fuck the snow i dont care about it

TG: well were not going now because i just came back from the diner

TG: maybe this week?

CG: I DON’T NEED TO GO ANYWHERE, DOUCHESHIT.

TG: gasp

TG: how could you refuse such a fantastic opportunity

TG: your life is boring too admit it

TG: listen this is such a great idea dude wtf

TG: you need to get out of your house more often youre pale as the fucking snow man you need more sunshine and shit

TG: some of that vitamin d

TG: the vitamin d dude

TG: what do you say

CG: NO.

TG: if you think im asking you out or if this is a date its not

TG: its entirely no homo as john would say

TG: just a guys day out there is absolutely nothing between us

TG: yeah i cant believe i just said that

TG: but think about the bacon waffles bro

CG: UGH FINE! JUST KNOW THAT YOU ARE FUCKING KILLING ME WITH THIS CONVERSATION.

CG: YOU BETTER BRING THE MONEY, YOU PIECE OF INSUFFERABLE SHIT.

TG: i promise you wont regret this

**\----------**

The hangout gets pushed back a lot of times because of Karkat saying that, “He’s not feeling well today.” You say bullshit to that, the guy won’t escape you and the bacon waffles forever.  So you finally make him agree that you’ll go to the diner right on Christmas day.

Dirk got you some new sketchpads to draw on, you haven’t drawn shit in a long time so it’s time to get back in that again just for the sake of having a hobby. You figured to get Karkat something but you didn’t know what so you got nothing.

John and Jade ended up at home, you stopped by to greet them and they gave you a new poster and a pack of coloring pens. Their gifts were simple, some Betty Crocker cake mix for John, it was funny since he had a disliking for Betty Crocker material, you don’t know why actually. Then those shaped rubber band bracelet things for Jade because she loved the shit out of them.

The cousins seemed to act normal around you again for that time, well, they tried to. But their faces when you said that you had to go, it’s almost like John was trying hard not to frown and Jade was trying to be upbeat about it.

You leave anyway, it’s not like you had to leave early for the hangout but John and Jade are really weirding you out. You still don’t know why they’re like that but you felt a bit sad that you were uncomfortable around them. You really needed to talk with them again.

Karkat told you that 1 PM sharp was when you both met up and walked to the diner. You don’t know why it’s at that time, he wakes up early, doesn’t he? Maybe he was gonna try to find an excuse to chicken out again, or you’re just overthinking and he has to find an excuse to get out of the house on Christmas, while his family’s at home.

Well, now it’s 11 AM so the meeting time isn’t long. You just had to endure two hours with Dirk and Jake. Luckily, your older brother’s in a good mood and that led to the two of you playing Super Smash Bro’s, Jake doesn’t play a lot of games so he’s cheering for him. Of course, he owns you most of the time but you still get your fair share of victories.

It isn’t long until Dirk gets up and exclaims that he has some fresh hot pizza in the oven, so that’s what you were smelling all that time. You eat a single slice for the substitute of an appetizer. Dirk was puzzled at first when you leave the table after eating one slice but you tell him that you’re gonna go to the diner with a friend and he smirks slyly and Jake punches his shoulder softly, telling him to leave you alone.

You almost wish that the hangout wasn’t scheduled for today because it was starting to feel like just like the old days, like Texas. Only you and Dirk, having fun like two normal brothers would on a holiday when their shit parents were too busy with something. The feeling is nostalgic.

But these days he would be focused on Jake most of the time even if he isn’t here, that’s alright with you, you don’t mind. Heck, you _helped_ him get together with English, you know Dirk doesn’t forget that. He’s just not good at the cool brother shtick because he’s older, he has more stuff to worry about than you.

Back to playing Super Smash Bro’s, Dirk lets you win a couple of time before you tell him that you’re not outright upset about defeat then you taunt him for being soft on you. He abandons the controller to give you one of his goddamn noogies and you hear the older males laugh, “That soft enough for you, kid?” Dirk chuckles while you fight to get out of his grip.

“Damnit, bro! I told you I don’t like noogies!” You complain and he lets go then shoves his thumb in the direction of the staircase.

“You better get dressed up for that date, loverboy,” Then his lips curve upward even more, “Actually, I’ll help you,” Your brother gets up and gives you a slap on the shoulder that stings for a bit, “Come on.”

You follow him to your room, “So, who is it? One of those young female sophomores? I heard there were a few that were crushing on you.” It occurs to you that you’ve never told him that you liked guys. Girls didn’t exactly strike you as dating material.

The time you realized that you were, and still are, gay was when you had a crush on John, even through the internet. But you kept those feelings bottled up with the bad memories. That was back in Texas and whatever bad stuff that happened in Texas stays in Texas.

“It’s a he and his name is Karkat,” You clear your throat, “And it ain’t a date. There is not a single trace of homo in it.”

Dirk turns to you, “Karkat? That kid down the street? Damn, I never imagined you and him. You’re just like your big brother, eh? I didn’t know that gayness was hereditary.” He completely ignores the last part of what you said.

“Bro, what the fuck. I don’t like him alright?” That’s such a goddamn lie, but you really didn’t want to talk about this now, especially with Dirk.

“Alright, you got me. I’m still helping you dress up properly though, who knows what the hell you’re gonna wear out there. Probably some ripped jeans and one of those clockwork shirts you have.”

That’s why you end up wearing one of your plain white shirts and pants that weren’t so fit on your legs, Dirk said that skinny jeans didn’t look good on you but that’s a complete lie, you make skinny jeans look amazing by modeling it on your sexy fucking body. The last article of clothing that he has you wear is his old, thick, orange hoodie. The one he wore on his first date with Jake.

You don’t know why he’s helping you with this, but it’s obviously got something to do with you helping him with his love life. When you go down the stairs, Jake mumbles something about how familiar your outfit is to Dirk. Probably because it’s practically the _same_ goddamn outfit you made your brother wear to his first date. You don’t know if he’s trying to tell you something because if he is, you’re not getting it.

But hey, you get to choose what shoes you wear. It’s the bright red sneakers, of course.

Honestly, you thought that it would be Jade that helped you with that dressing bullshit. Then again, there are still a lot of things Dirk doesn’t tell you and that apparently includes being a guy that has an eye for the same outfits.

You also don’t forget to fish some money out of Dirk’s wallet and put it in your own. That’s payback for making you wear this outfit.

It’s near 1 PM when you exit the house and walk down the street to Karkat’s. His window is open, it’s always been open since the snowstorm. You don’t know why, you thought that Karkat hated the cold.

But you cup your hands around your mouth and yell.

“Hey, Karkat!”

You wait a few seconds before the familiar face pops up, “What? Jesus, it’s not even one yet.” And his eyes scan you, he seems to go silent before disappearing back in his room.

“Hurry your ass up and we still might have more time for the day!” You yell again. No reply.

You stick around the picket fence, regretting that you didn’t use gel for your hair because it was being battered by the wind, but that would look too formal. Formal isn’t your thing. Sure, you rock the suits and the fancy but it doesn’t feel comfortable.

Then you catch the front door opening, and Karkat steps out.

The first thing that comes to mind is that he’s extremely cute, even if he’s just wearing his favorite sweater, it’s the dark grey one and you know it’s his favorite because he wears it a lot, some pants and black sneakers. His brown hair is all curled up like always, you also find that cute. He’s glaring at you like he knows you’re staring at him.

“Merry Christmas.” You say.

“Merry Christmas, douchebag,” He replies, “You look like a walking traffic cone.”

“Thanks for the compliment,” You say after laughing through your nose, “So, you ready to go?”

“Does it look like I’m not ready?”

“Yeesh, I’m just askin’,” You raise your elbow, motioning to him. Karkat rolls his eyes and pushes your elbow away.

“Just bring me to wherever the fuck that diner is.”

You try to make the walk to the diner as chill as you can and not awkward. But the way you stick close to Karkat, brushing against his hand a few times, to avoid a passing person isn’t helping at all. The guy flinches and moves away from you every time and you feel a bit guilty.

 Eventually the diner comes into view and you tell him to hurry up and match your pace. He swears you out, glaring at you for making him have an exercise. You laugh it off.

You both sit at the same booth that you, John and Jade sit in. While waiting for the bacon waffles, you ask him some random questions.

“So, did you ask permission from Adam Sandler to hang out with me for the day?”

“What kind of fucking question is that?” He raises an eyebrow.

“I’m just makin’ sure that he’s cool with all this,” Karkat glares at you, “Alright, how about.. hmm.”

“Hey! I know a better idea, how about I ask you stupid fucking questions?”

“Shoot.”

“Why the fuck do you wear shades all the time?” His tone is evidently provocative but unfortunately for him, you’re used to this question.

“I’ve just gotten used to them. Besides, bright lights hurt my eyes.” The answer is simple. Karkat looks quite surprised at this, maybe he didn’t expect such a bland answer.

He fixes the collar of his sweater, “Right. Why’d you ask me to this hangout?” It’s a hangout, not a date. You need to remind yourself but you can’t convince yourself of that because you’ve been staring at his stupidly cute face all this time.

“You can’t stay all cooped up in your house like you’re living under a rock, and you’re as white as a fucking ghost at this point if you don’t get sunshine.”

“When did you start caring about my health? Jesus, I don’t need another mother.”

You tut him, “My, Karkat. You seemed really worried about my smoking habits.”

“Fuck off.” He glares at you, cheeks slightly tinged with red.

The long awaited bacon waffles arrive after a few moments, the waitress smiles at you and you return it. This diner is just like home away from home. The smell of the food here is euphoric.

“Holy shit.” Karkat exclaims when he takes a bite of both the waffles and the bacon.

“Are you happy that I brought you here now? Do you now know the meaning of life?” You smirk, watching his expression change from annoyance to blissfulness, “I’m guessing you do.”

Karkat rarely speaks during the meal. You’re not surprised, your reaction was close to his the first time you tasted bacon waffles. Although you were talking to Dirk more, rambling about how good this shit. You keep staring at his face, still remembering to get another forkful of bacon waffles every time you swallow.

His eyebrows are still creased but it doesn’t look like he’s annoyed or pissed. Karkat isn’t so expressive when it comes to other emotions besides anger and annoyance. Hell, you’d be the most expressive person out there if it weren’t for the regular straight face that’s plastered on you almost every day.

But because of that straight face you pull almost every day, people always describe you as ‘that weird cocky bastard cool kid who thinks he’s such cool shit’ the description isn’t too far off. The façade still helps you get through each day at school.

You don’t even care anymore if you hear people talking about you behind your back. It’s just really weird how they still bother with you, you’re old gossip. You and Karkat are really old gossip. You’re also really lucky to be left alone by the bullies, Karkat on the other hand didn’t get so lucky. So you tried to help him, the only fucked up guy besides you. He knows that you’re as desperate as him, wanting something in your life to change and suddenly everything becomes better.

Your fist unknowingly curls into a ball, you really shouldn’t be thinking about this right now. Right now it should just be all sunshine and rainbows and snow.

You take another bite of bacon waffles to get your mind off it.

**\----------**

After finishing the food, you talk with him. Karkat’s talks more than usual, you note.

“So, what did your family say when you left home on Christmas day?” Karkat shifts in his seat, glancing at you when the question was asked.

“My parents aren’t home today. I was alone with Kankri,” You motion for him to go on, “And I sneaked out.”

“Oh?” You raise an eyebrow, “Won’t he be worried about you?”

“I left him a note. I didn’t really want to listen to his fucking monologue of staying safe and taking care out here.”

“So how much time do we have before you go home?”

“Until nine. I made it that long because I fucking know you are going to walk me around town.”’

“You know me so well, Vantas,” You tap your fingers on the table repeatedly in a random pattern, “But I’ve got a question, why are your parents out on Christmas?”

Karkat shrugs nonchalantly, “They’re both business people. Money’s supposedly a big deal for us, we have a lot but they’re still working their asses off for more of the fucking stuff. And because they’re working their asses off, they’re really busy and go on trips sometimes,” He pauses, “But we did celebrate Christmas Eve.”

“What presents did you hoard?” You grin, “I got a shit ton of sketchpads from Dirk, a poster and some coloring pens from John and Jade.”

“Books.” The brunet replies flatly.

“Books,” You repeat, staring at him, “Why books?”

“Because I like them! Is there something wrong with that?” Karkat crosses his arms, “I don’t get to pick my gifts alright? And I’m pretty fine with getting new books as presents.”

“How come you don’t get to pick your gifts? I mean like, Dirk kinda asks me what I want for Christmas and shit and he gets them. Didn’t you say your family’s rich?”

“Rich but they barely spend the money on anything. They’re fucking piggy banks, Strider, they mostly spend the money on useless stuff like hotel rooms for when they want privacy and that sort of bullshit. It’s stupid, but I’m just.. I guess, fine with it.” That surprises you.

“It _is_ stupid. What the shit, man? That’s really unfair for you guys, don’t you think? How could you be fine with that?” You try to keep your voice low, also resisting from banging your hand on the table. Karkat looks down, suddenly interested in his empty plate.

“Just forget I said anything about it.” He mutters, the conversation halts to a stop there, and it looks like if you push him any further on the subject he’ll burst into tears. Maybe you just succeeded in making his parents look shittier than they already are. That’s not exactly that type of thing to do when you’re on a da- er, hangout, but you had enough reason to dislike people who used money that way.

You decide to call the waitress to pay for the food then exit the booth, “Let’s go out now, shall we?” Karkat follows you wordlessly outside.

“You really haven’t explored this place yet?” You look up, the sun is still high in the sky. Had an hour or two passed when you were eating? You don’t know, it felt like an eternity.

“No, I don’t know shit about this place.” Karkat admits, still not meeting your gaze.

“Well, shit,” You reposition the hood of your borrowed clothing. Should you just walk down the street? Maybe visit somewhere specific? You’ve got nothing in mind right now so walking down the street sounds good, “Come on, Kat. Get those legs going.”

Karkat huffs at the nickname but he still follows you, sneakers silent against the snow coated concrete sidewalk.

The first stop is the club where Dirk works at.

“We aren’t going in, right?” Karkat mumbles, eyeing the short line of people by the door of the building.

“’Course not, what would we do in there?” You snort, “That’s just where Dirk, my bro, works, ’sides, I only go in there sometimes when I’m with him.”

“As a DJ or a bartender?”

“DJ, he’s pretty awesome at it.”

You continue walking; stopping sometimes to tell him something about the places you’re passing by and sometimes to go in if it was a store. Then you pass a bookstore.

“The local bookstore,” You keep your pace until you notice Karkat is standing stock still in front of the said building, you turn around and stop beside him, keeping your distance, “Anything wrong?”

“Can we go inside?” He asks after a few heartbeats worth of staring at the store.

‘The kid barely gets out so what’s the point of not letting him do what he wants to do?’ You think to yourself. A small smile forms on your lips, and you voice your thoughts, “Sure, why not?”

You quickly lose Karkat in the bookstore once you follow him through the doorway. He’s just like a kid on Christmas, except it _is_ Christmas and he’s a teen. Trying to find him is unexpectedly hard and painful as the endless rows of shelves filled with books are enough to make you lose your sense of fucking direction.

But after minutes of torture, you see Karkat looking through the romance/romance-comedy section.

There’s that nagging part at the back of your mind that still doesn’t believe that someone like him could be such a sucker for the sappy stuff like romcoms. He’s such a sucker because you see the rarest of smiles flash on his face, that he tries to hide, when he reads them at the back of the room during class hours, and even at recess or lunch, he always has a book with him when you sit with him at the gazebo. You notice that his back is towards you so his face isn’t seen, but you’re sure he’s smiling whenever he reads his books.

And a smile is about the only different expression that you’ve seen from him so far. But knowing that he smiles proves that he’s just human, like you, aside from that grumpy and aggressive front he puts up.

“Find anything you like?” You ask, brushing a hand against the shelved books.

“No.” is his one word reply. _Not yet_ , you correct silently in your mind.

“Really? Because it looks like you’re ravagin’ this whole section of the store.” He’s skimming through every book, taking out a few sometimes to see what the cover is or what it’s about. You don’t catch a single change of expression from him though, it seems like he’s forcing a straight face just to hide whatever he’s feeling right now.

You wait until he goes through all of the books in the section and you’re starting to feel sleepy. Finally he marches up to you then thrusts his hand forward; there was a book in his grip.

“Let me guess, you want me to buy it?”

“Do you think I’d pass up an opportunity like this? I’ve been looking for this fucking book everywhere. I _cannot_ risk leaving it here in the grubby hands of a random stranger that might buy it.”

“Wow, right. Why so serious? This isn’t a goddamn life or death scenario.”

“Just buy it, and we’ll leave.”

You didn’t want to stay here any longer anyway.

After buying the book, Karkat holds on tight to the bag once you hand him it. Like his only source of life is in that bag. Thinking about it, books _are_ probably his only life source.

It’s only minutes before 5 PM, you think. The last glance you gave the clock at the bookstore said it was only quarter to five and the sky was getting dark too; so it’s a pretty good guess that it’s just before five.

You lead Karkat back to the direction of the diner since he must be _dying_ to read his newly bought book and you want to drink all of their root beer dry because you’re also dying of thirst. After getting back, you both automatically proceed to the same booth and you order five cans of root beer.

“You’re drinking enough sugar to have a fucking heart attack, you know.” Karkat stares at you with red eyes, hands placed on the paper bag he’s so protective of.

“I can share.” You reply easily, popping your second can and sipping it slowly.

“I don’t drink root beer.”

You frown, “How many things do you not drink or eat for chrissake?” The brown-haired male shrugs and turns his attention to the bag to tear it open and bring out his book. You take your phone out and decide to ambush Rose with a holiday greeting that she loves to hear for some reason, while Karkat’s reading his dearly beloved book.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

TG: santa claus here to merry your christmas

TG: *insert ho ho ho noises here*

TT: Ho, ho, ho.

TT: Merry Christmas, Dave.

TG: merry xmas lalonde have you been enjoying the long awaited snow that comes with your most favorite holiday?

TT: Why yes, I have. I have a number of snowmen here to support that.

TT: Have you been enjoying the holiday?

TG: you kidding me

TG: of course im enjoying the holiday when have i never enjoyed a holiday

TT: Well, I’ve heard from John that you have been closer to Karkat more than usual.

TG: right of course leave it to mother egbert to rat me out to dear ms lalonde

TG: truth is im fine tell egbert that

TG: theyve been the ones acting weird really

TG: or its just me i dont know

TG: anyways its christmas so theres no time for that shit right now

TT: Hmm.

TT: Well, what have you been doing? Any luck with Karkat? Surely there must be something that’s happened by now.

TG: my findings show that karkat has rich ass parents that waste their money on stupid shit

TG: and hes eternally devoted to romcoms rose i could never compete with that

TT: Use that “Strider magic” you’ve always talked about. Maybe that will work.

TG: thatll be too much for his fragile soul the coolness will be enough to make him disappear from the very face of this planet

TT: Perhaps that is what happened to those poor girls from your freshman year?

TG: damnit rose i told you that wasnt my fault and it was a shit long time ago

TT: As I recall you said something about them being distracted by your very “coolness” and they disappeared.

TG: they fell into a fucking hole in construction because they were giggling about me and they broke several bones and ended up in the hospital for idfk weeks or months? but thats their fault

TG: but i still feel horrible though thanks lalonde

TG: so much for a merry christmas

TG: you plague me with nothing but nightmares

TT: I don’t mean to, I really don’t.

TG: whats past is in the past k

TT: So, what are you doing now? Besides from messaging me, obviously.

TG: i took karkat on a holiday hang out were in a diner right now and hes completely shut me out once he started reading this book i bought him

TT: Sounds delightful.

TG: yeah i dont know when hes gonna stop reading but im just gonna chill here with my root beer

TG: whats happening on your line?

TT: Oh nothing, dear Mother has the liquor out again and I’ve locked myself in my room for the time being. Although the eggnog is once again rather strong, it still keeps me on my toes.

TG: here we see a rose lalonde in her natural habitat cooped up in her room with a pitcher of eggnog booze and most probably even her notebooks of gay wizard porn

TG: it is quite snowy today so she has been keeping warm in her home but she spared some time from her busy schedule to make some chill snowmen in her backyard

TT: That is undoubtedly accurate save for the “gay wizard porn” part.

TG: eh bullshit you always have gay wizard porn in your pocket

“So, what’s your deal?” A voice makes you look up from your phone. You look around, there’s no one else around except Karkat who was still reading his book. You assume Karkat asked the question because who else would ask a random question out of the blue besides you?

“Uh, what deal?” You raise an eyebrow.

“Why’d you move here and why here specifically? That shit, you know.” He replies, not taking his eyes off his book.

TG: hey i gotta go you enjoy your gay porn and eggnog booze k do it for christmas

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

You lay your phone on the table and lean forward, elbows solid on the wooden surface.

“Save me the drama, Strider.” Karkat grumbles, then a smirk pulls at your lips. He’s just learning more and more about you every damn day.

“Well. The story’s kinda sad; I don’t think you could handle it.”

“Oh!” He stares up at you, putting down his book with a smack, “You think I can’t handle it? Please, fucking humor me about sadness, you dickbag. Just tell me your fucking story.” You frown slightly, your reply probably hit a nerve there.

Karkat sighs, “Just.. I fucking told you a part of my backstory so I think it’s fair you tell me yours.”

You tip your head slightly to the right by habit when you’re leaning forward. “Well, I guess you know that Dirk’s been here for years now. But we used to live back in Texas,” You tap your fingers on the table silently as the name comes out of your mouth, “Me and Dirk were close as all hell but our parents were assholes, our real parents were dead.”

“We surprisingly never moved from couple to couple and we stayed at that shithole for years. Until Dirk moved out after he finished high school. I was left fucked up after that, alone with these goddamn shitty parents. I don’t know why the hell they were even taking care of us anyway, but what I knew is that the government or something was paying them,” You feel your throat tightening, you cough a bit and clear it, “I guess they were just after the money because they absolutely _hated_ the both of us. They were fucking glad that Dirk was gone.”

“I became their stupid servant boy after Dirk left, always fetching them the shit they needed, but in return I had access to the computer and a proper room rather than sleeping on the couch like before. I met John, Jade and Rose on the internet. They were my first friends. Everybody at school thought that I was a freak of nature, with my red eyes and really fucking light blond hair. And I still am a freak of nature, I guess but I’m chill with it, that’s just how my life goes,” Karkat is dead silent through all of your talking, and it makes you a bit uncomfortable, “Anyways, I told Dirk about life here, after he left. Of course, I talked with him privately because my foster parents would’ve flipped off the handle if they knew I was talking to him. Dirk was angry at how badly they treated me, he knows me better than myself. I was not okay living at Texas.”

“So, after I finally finished elementary. Dirk came to Texas to pick me up, the couple didn’t say anything about it. They just wanted me out of their hair and they get to swim in their money. I only had yet to realize that John and Jade actually lived here, I was so fucking pumped to see them. They didn’t seem to give a single shit about my eyes, instead John gave me a pair of shades,” You tap said shades that you are wearing right now, “And, goddamn, it’s not every day that you get to meet your internet friends that you consider as more important than your fake parents. I was stoked as shit, you know.”

 _Then I met you_ , you say in your mind.

Leaving the story as clean as that didn’t really change the way you felt about rethinking all of it. You just wanted to scream at how fucked up Texas left you feeling.

It just isn’t fair.

But let's face it, nothing is ever fair.

Long before you know it, you’re reaching behind your shades to quickly wipe away the tears that were already forming, “Sorry, man. Crying isn’t cool. _Fuck_.” You keep your breathing normal. Karkat wasn’t looking at you now; he was just staring out the window, lips turning into a frown.

“That’s why you were so angry about my parents?” He asks, turning his gaze to you, “Because they reminded you of yours?”

You take a sip of your third can of root beer, staying silent.

_Yes._

The diner is silent, save for the radio playing on the counter.  The only people there are you, Karkat and the waitress now. Karkat reaches across the table to steal one of the two cans left and he pops it open. Both of you drink from your respective cans until a person comes in through the front door and you take out your wallet to pay for the drinks. You leave the money on the table and take the last can, getting up on your feet.

“C’mon, let’s get back to the neighborhood.” You force a smile and you’re walking beside the road that’s near empty if it weren’t for the cars parked at the side and the people walking by.

The sun has almost disappeared from the sky once you and Karkat reach the subdivision. The mood lightened by then, it returned to neutral. But, you still couldn’t believe you just wasted all those years of practice of keeping your emotions in check. Although, Dirk always said that nobody could ever be emotionless forever and you always trusted and believed his word.

“You wanna come to my place?” You ask when you both stop in front of Karkat’s house. He raises an eyebrow, “I mean. Since you let me chill at your house one time.” You say quickly, motioning to the aforementioned building.

“Sure, fine.” The brunet replies, there was no concern for himself in his voice, actually no particular emotion at all.

“Great.” You reply. Seeing as the sun is just near done with setting, you should hurry up in getting to the house because you know exactly where you should take him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have been dead for so long my god but i had a shit ton of time for writing. 
> 
> ive moved houses and the internet took really long to setup jfc but i hope this was long enough to make up for that.
> 
> (bacon waffles is the best fucking combination)


	4. i dont even know what to call this anymore wtf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its a miracle. its only been 6 days since the last chapter. but this one is short :[ i dont want this to delay this for any longer so i cut it short. also because school approaches and i know i wont have much time to finish this chapt.
> 
> [x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdag4mdVVeM)
> 
> dear jesus i cant tell you how much i was listening to this song

You almost resort to pulling Karkat by the hand to get to the house faster but you don’t think you can man up enough in such a short amount of time. So you just quicken your pace and tell him to keep up. He cusses you out like always, of course.

“Why the fuck do we need to hurry up anyway?” He asks irritably, finally catching up to you.

“I just have something to show you,” You reply, careful to not trip while walking on the snow-dusted sidewalk. You arrive at the house later than you wanted but there was a chance you could still see a tiny bit of the sun up on the roof.

“Wait a minute; is your brother okay with this?” Karkat stares at you as you knock on the door.

“He’ll be perfectly chill about it.” You assure him, hoping that Dirk wouldn’t humiliate you in front of him.

As expected, your older brother answers the door, “Hey, lil dude,” He regards the brunet beside you, keeping a straight face, “I’m guessin’ this is Karkat?”

“Yeah, it’s Karkat. He’s gonna hang here for a while, if you don’t mind, which you obviously don’t.” You reply before Karkat says anything. Dirk gives both of you a smile and steps away from the door.

“Knock yourselves out.”

Before he goes back to sitting on the couch with Jake, you hand him the last can of root beer and he pats you on the back, taking the can with his free hand. The other male raises a hand in greeting. You nod at him and ascend the stairs, making sure that Karkat is still behind you and not stolen by Dirk and Jake. “Right, okay. Stay back unless you want to get brained.” You warn and reach for the lone string that’s hanging from the ceiling. It takes a few tries to get a good grip on it and you pull it down, backing up quickly to avoid the folding ladder.

“Did your brother install that ladder? Because last time I checked there is no secret ladder that leads up to the roof in my house.” Karkat crosses his arms.

“Hell yeah, he did. We stayed up here a lot before high school started,” You do a mock bow, “After you.” He snorts and climbs up the ladder, you climb up behind him, trying your hardest not to stare at his ass.

“Woah shit!” Karkat yelps after misplacing his foot and it almost hits you in the face.

“Watch it!” You nearly lose your footing as well, “Be careful, damnit. I don’t need a face full of shoe, Vantas.”

“Well _sorry_ ,” He growls back, “I haven’t had my fair share of climbing up ladders.”

Both of you manage to get up successfully. You try not to look down so much; you never really thought too much about how high you are when up here. Just... the view is amazing.

“Oh christ.” Karkat breathes sharply, immediately looking down. You grab his arm before he could lose balance.

“Just move forward, I’ll be right behind you.” You say.

“Great, I feel so safe already.” His tone is riddled with sarcasm but he moves forward slowly anyway.

“’Kay, now sit down carefully unless you want to slip and hit that delightful lookin’ ground down there.”

He follows your instructions and you’re settled down in no time. The great thing about this roof that it isn’t so sloped, meaning that there’s a very flat platform at the top that’s wide enough to be sat on properly. But it’s been a long time since you’ve been here so the platform feels smaller than before.

You didn’t manage to catch the sunset sadly. The sky was already dark and the stars were just showing up.

“A real view, huh?” You mutter, pushing your shades up to your hair and looking at the sky, “I mean, it’s not your ideal place to for stargazing but the view is still cool.” You’re trying hard not to notice that your legs are pressed right against Karkat’s back.

“Yeah.” He replies, looking up as well.

The air is calmer and colder tonight.

You’re suddenly grateful for Dirk lending you his old hoodie.

Darkness and serenity envelops the two of you, the chirping of the crickets are loud and somewhat comforting. Karkat’s breathing was slightly erratic while yours was steady. _Was he cold? How could he even be cold under that fucking sweater?_ You wonder. He isn’t giving away any proof that he’s cold so you decide to push that thought away.

For a while, it’s just the crickets that are emitting noise. Until Karkat suddenly jerks up to either fix his sitting position or get a better look at something. It’s probably the latter because he whispers something incomprehensible and sits up straight.

“What’d you say?” You ask.

“I see the fucking city from here.” Karkat tries to stand up but he backs up into you instead, making you lose balance and almost fall off the platform but Karkat manages to twist around and grab you in time.

“You’re strong for a scrawny guy.” You comment, grinning nervously.

“I think we should get down, this place is a goddamn deathtrap.”

“Where’s the city?” You ignore his previous words. He glares at you but he gets up and points forward, pass the houses, in the distance. You see the faint lights in the darkness that was way past the town, “Oh.” You get up slowly on your feet.

“Weird, I never recall seein’ the city’s lights from here.”

“Maybe it’s because you’re as blind as a fucking bat. It’s _right_ there.”

“If you think that it’s ‘right’ there then you have a problem,” You retort, “That or you just have that super vision going on.”

He elbows you in the ribs harshly, “Those shades have blurred your fucking eyesight.”

You don’t answer him but you just look over the houses to see the lights again. You really never noticed them before and you’re not surprised that Karkat sees it when he’s only been here for a several minutes. The extra-observant type, you are not.

The both of you get down from the roof after getting tired of stargazing and trying not to fall from the platform you’re trying so hard to balance on. The last time you were here you could easily walk along the leveled surface. But you’re not complaining; it’s still great to be up there again.

“Your room is a shithole compared to mine.” Karkat comments when you open the door to said room. He’s right, really. You haven’t taken the time to actually look at your room; there was a shit ton of pointless wires and power cords that were scattered across the floor, stacks of forgotten books lined up against the walls, and many more junk that you’ve left lying around.

“At least I don’t have three shelves worth of sappy books and a shrine to both Will Smith and Adam Sandler in the corner.”

“I have never even fucking made a shrine for anyone, you shit-eating douchewad.”

“Wow, never heard that insult before.” You reply. He shoots you a dirty glare. Even if Karkat didn’t talk too much, he has a variety of curse words that he can choose from and combine to get the most colorful vocabulary that comes out of his mouth. A reason why you like to piss him off, also because you can hear how his voice becomes an octave higher and his face turns pink. You somehow find that cute.

Karkat gets to the wheelie chair first so you take the bed.

“Why’d you do all this shit for me?” He leans towards the left, propping his chin in the palm of his left hand.

“What shit?” You lean back, steadying yourself by placing your hands flat on the mattress.

“Like ‘protect’ me from those assholes at school, being kind to me when I treat you like utter shit all of the time,” His ruby eyes scan you for any reaction, “You don’t have to be fucking devoted.”

“Oh, but I am.” You grin at him lopsidedly. You watch him open the big drawer of your desk. He knits his eyebrows as he looks back at you, placing the book in his hand on the table and he grabs an unopened pack of cigs from the compartment

“What? You wanna offer me one? We gon’ smoke?”

“It fucking disturbs me to see that you have three packs of these things in your desk. And they’re all unopened! How goddamn ominous is that?”

“It’s a sign that I’ve been smokin’ a whole lot less.”

“You’re bullshitting me.” Karkat narrows his eyes.

“I’m serious, y’know.” You frown; you’re trying really hard to cut down your smoking habits. A lot of fucking effort is needed for that. But there’s a box right now in your pocket, he doesn’t know that. You keep a pack in case you really need to light up, sometimes your hand drops down to your pocket which happened a lot earlier. You’re just itching to smoke but as much as you like hearing Karkat ramble about your bad habit, you’re just really tired of people rebuking you of something you can barely control. It’s even harder when you’ve drilled it into your head that smoking is ‘cool’ and you magically fit in with the normal people.

It is apparently not like that.

Instead, you’re stuck with a bunch of assholes at school that now bully _you._ You try to shake them off but they’re the clingy types, like ex’s that still can’t get over you. People are just fucking nasty here but you put up with it, you’d rather have this life than the one you had before.

Karkat still doesn’t seem to believe you when you focus back on him. He’s left your extra cigarettes alone in the drawer; he just slumps forward on the table, head nested in his crossed arms.

A familiar silence takes over again but it doesn’t feel awkward. Instead, you embrace it; let it wash over you as time passes by. Maybe there’s been too much action for today; you’ve been hiding away in your house more often than usual for this year. It’s no big surprise, really. A big neighborhood does not mean you suddenly start going out all the time. At least, it’s not like that for you, the internet has better people. But the thought of meeting real, actual people aside from the ones you already know, is kind of scary.

“Could I just confess something?” Karkat murmurs.

“Shoot.”

“I actually had a lot of fucking fun today, believe it or not,” You could hear him chuckle, you feel your heart lift up slightly at the sound. He turns his head sideways to look at you and you swear that you see the tiniest of smiles on his face, “Well, it’s better than staying in a shithole for all my life. That’s for sure.”

Karkat’s cute. That’s for sure. The color red that’s filled his eyes is vibrant; his gaze is soft, not harsh in the slightest. As if he’d never been mad in his whole life. And he looks genuinely happy, and you feel happy for him.

The internal torment that plagued you two had disappeared for the time being.

It’s nice to be at peace. To feel normal for once.

By this time, you just want to kiss him. But there’s a tiny voice at the back of your mind asking, _does he like you back?_

You don’t feel like caring anymore though. Fuck all of those thoughts just for this moment.

You remove your shades that have been sitting on the top of your head for a while now, and hang it on your collar. Then you pat the space to your left and he takes a few seconds to register what you’re doing and stands up from the seat.

His smile’s disappeared from that point. He sits beside you.

“Fuck this, dude. I’m also gonna confess some mad shit to you to.”

“It better not be fucking dramatic or I swear-“

You just decide to shut him up with your lips.

 

On his lips.

 

The best part is that he kisses back. His lips are soft and wet, the result of licking them too much.

 

But it’s still enough to send you to cloud nine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also no pesterlogs!!
> 
> that ending is so goddamn sappy though. rip describing, i was never good at that stuff


	5. im dead in the inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so fucking sorry.

The questions that come to mind the next morning are:

One: Where the hell are you.

Two: What the fuck was dinner last night.

So many W’s.

To answer the first question. You get up and realize you’re downstairs, crashed on the couch like some crazy shit went down yesterday. You get up and see that you’re wearing your white shirt that went with Dirk’s hoodie. Your shades are nowhere to be seen.

What dinner was last night is still a mystery, did you even eat dinner? Well, you should think about food later.

The most important question is what happened last night that led you to sleeping on the couch.

Why are you suddenly forgetting what the fuck happened last night? This is just stupid.

You groan while sitting up, your neck did not have a good time while sleeping. You gently massage your neck, trying to recall things that happened and looking around the house. For one, Jake’s certainly not down here so it must be real early. Second, Karkat was definitely here last night.

Oh shit yeah, Karkat. Did he leave?

Your attention is stolen by your vibrating phone that seems to be stuck in your pants pocket. It takes a few tugs to get it out, only to let it fall onto the carpeted floor below. Despite having a soft landing, it still hurts your soul to see it on the floor.

After staring at it for a few seconds, you take it and see who’s messaging you at 6 AM.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

CG: MORNING, ASSHOLE. ALTHOUGH I DON’T THINK YOU’RE AWAKE YET, ALWAYS KIND OF THOUGHT OF YOU AS AN AFTERNOON PERSON, WELL, DESPITE HOW EARLY YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO MESSAGE ME.

CG: OR MAYBE YOU’RE JUST IGNORING ME, FUCK.

CG: I, UH, NEVERMIND.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

TG: wait shit

TG: karkat?

TG: ...

Damnit. He’s still online; maybe he’s ignoring you or doing something other than caring about you. You’ll try messaging him later, you guess.

You rub your eyes to momentarily shield them from the bright rays of sunlight entering through the cracks of the curtains covering the window behind the TV. After adjusting to the light, you get up and walk upstairs to your room.

The room is empty; you were half-expecting it to be anyway. There’s no proof that a person named Karkat was here last night, except for the paper bag that came with his book was lying on the floor. You step on it to make sure it’s empty. You went ahead and picked up Dirk’s hoodie from the floor then threw it into your wheelie chair.

You remember having hot steamy makeouts up here.

And... your first kiss? Was that your first? That was definitely your first, right? Shit, your lips ain’t virgin no more. Well, on the bright side, at least you didn’t suck as much as Dirk did at romancing people.

_No shit, he didn’t even have the chance at romance stuff because he was preoccupied with you._

Oh. Right.

You clear your head and look around for your shades, refusing to delve in further with your thoughts. You find your shades under the blanket that was crumpled on the floor. The scene looked so messy that it seemed staged crime scene except without the blood. Because obviously _every_ crime scene needed blood.

“Maybe if you look under the bed, you might find evidence or some scary shit.” You half-said, half-chuckled to yourself.

Of course, there was nothing under the bed except for a ton of dust bunnies, books, and a mass of wires that were connected to who knows what. None of them looked like good evidence for any crime against humanity except for your own crime of not cleaning your room. You should take Jade’s advice sometime, do some spring cleaning. When spring comes that is.

You’ll probably forget spring cleaning anyway. Maybe it’s still better to make a post-it note for your future self just for a reminder though.

You walk over to your window and open it. It’s unsurprisingly cold, sometimes you hate the snow. Doesn’t let you bike around much, you’ve learned from experience. School and That Saturday are exceptions though  because you’re too lazy to walk to school, and because, hey, it’s Karkat. Speaking of Karkat, your phone is ringing again.

CG: OH HEY.

TG: hey dude

TG: uh so about yesterday

CG: FUCK, I’M SORRY ABOUT THAT. I SHOULDN’T HAVE, YOU KNOW.

TG: no um about the kissing i didnt have any problem about that that was really fucking chill

TG: you really dont have to apologize for that

CG: OH. I FIGURED, I GUESS..

TG: yeah i just have a question

CG: ?

TG: how did i end up on the couch

CG: ON THE COUCH? WHAT THE FUCK?

CG: I HAD TO GO BEFORE NINE, YOU REMEMBER THAT? AND SINCE YOU FUCKING INSISTED TO “ESCORT” ME TO THE FRONT DOOR, MAYBE YOU FELL ASLEEP ON THE COUCH? I DON’T KNOW. 

TG: oh i guess thats a reason

CG: YEAH.

CG: LISTEN, FUCK.

CG: WE’RE GOING SOMEWHERE FOR SOME REASON. ME, MY PARENTS AND KANKRI.

TG: oh shit when

CG: TODAY UNTIL NEW YEAR’S.

TG: thats actually.. kind of weird

CG: YEAH, NO SHIT. I’VE GOT NO IDEA WHY THE HELL THEY’RE DOING THIS.

TG: they must have a reason tho. you dont know where youre going?

CG: PROBABLY OUT OF TOWN.

TG: oh have fun i guess

CG: YOU DO KNOW THAT I DON’T WANT TO GO ON THIS TRIP, RIGHT? 

CG: I KIND OF WANTED TO TALK MORE ABOUT LAST NIGHT.

TG: no no dude its alright. we can talk here anyway 

CG: THAT’S DIFFERENT FROM FACE-TO-FACE THOUGH, YOU FUCK.

TG: oh well you know. unless you want me to join you on that trip you got there. other than that theres just pesterchum.

CG: PLEASE. IT’S GONNA BE BORING AS FUCK.

TG: yeah id love to join you but were not on the meeting your parents level yet

CG: BUT YOU DID TECHNICALLY ASK ME ON A DATE.

TG: nope dude fuck that. too fast 

TG: your dad looks like he can snap me in fucking half havent you realized that i dont even know what your mom looks like yet

TG: or maybe i forgot

TG: also im still having problems on what i should call it

CG: RIGHT, I’M CALLING IT A DATE.

TG: but you.. do like me right?

CG: OH NO, I WAS JUST CAUGHT UP SO MUCH IN THE MOMENT THAT I COULDN’T *HELP* BUT LEAN TOWARDS YOU. I OBVIOUSLY DON’T LIKE YOU.

TG: sarcasm doesnt fit you too much online

CG: THANK YOU, I TOTALLY NEEDED YOUR OPINION.

TG: dude pls

TG: i wanna ask though. like was that your first kiss?

CG: WHAT DO *YOU* THINK?

TG: holy shit it is isnt it

TG: that was my first too i gotta admit

CG: THAT’S NICE TO KNOW.

TG: youre freaking out arent you

CG: OH MY GOD. HOW DID YOU GUESS??! 

CG: ALTHOUGH, I’M NOT SURPRISED THAT *THAT* WAS YOUR FIRST. YOU CAN’T FLIRT FOR SHIT.

TG: like you can flirt better than me.

TG: honestly this conversation turned out better than i expected

CG: YOU’RE LUCKY I BARELY FLIP THE FUCK OFF DURING THE MORNINGS. OTHERWISE, THIS COULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY SHITTY CONVERSATION.

CG: BUT HONESTLY. YOU’RE STILL AN ASSHOLE TO MAKE ME GO THROUGH THIS

TG: im sooo lucky that youre so understanding

TG: yeah...

TG: but just asking are we... boyfriends now?

CG: .

CG: WE’VE KISSED ONE TIME. I HONESTLY DON’T KNOW WHAT QUALIFIES AS A RELATIONSHIP.

TG: i thought you were the romance expert get your head in the real game here vantas

CG: READING AND WATCHING ROMCOMS DO NOT GIVE YOU REAL ROMANTIC ADVICE, DOUCHELORD. I KNOW THEY’RE JUST ACTING.

CG: BUT, THEY’RE *REALLY* REALLY FUCKING GREAT AT ACTING.

TG: but i just want to make sure with you. i mean i dont want any of us left fucked up and emotionally scarred for the rest of our lives

TG: i mean like we DO like each other yknow im really down to be boyfriends

TG: you cant tell but im actually nervous as fuck now

TG: but i know youll say “oh yes dave id love to be your boyfriend omg” anyway

CG: FUCK YOU.

TG: i think that comes along later

TG: so.. what do you say?

CG: I DON’T GET HOW YOU’RE SO STRAIGHTFORWARD ABOUT THIS, SLOW THE FUCK DOWN, STRIDER.

TG: say yes pls. im desperate

CG: UGH. YOU DON’T KNOW HOW FUCKING SAD YOU SOUND RIGHT NOW. OR LOOK, WHATEVER. FUCK THE RIGHT WORDS.

TG: stop delaying and give me an answer damnit 

CG: CAN YOU GUESS WHAT MY ANSWER IS?

CG: GIVE ME A Y!! GIVE ME A GODDAMN E! GIVE ME A FUCKING S!!

TG: no shit you already spelled out your answer. 

TG: no i wasnt sweating and waiting in anticipation for rejection. nope sir.

TG: i mean i totally knew youd say yes

CG: YOUR LAST STATEMENT SEEMED SO RIDDLED OF DISGUSTING UNCERTAINTY THAT IT FORCED ME TO SAY YES, JUST FOR YOUR SAKE. I WOULDN’T WANT TO WRECK MY BEST FRIEND NOW, WOULD I?

TG: i think were way past best friends now but im touched by the title.

TG: fucking woop holy shit man. im freaking out right now fuck

TG: in a good way though

TG: youve got me way more pumped than when i first saw john and jade

CG: SPEAKING OF THEM. I THINK THEY’RE A BIT THROWN OFF BY YOU.

TG: oh shit nooo dude dont tell me dont go on this road pleaseeee

CG: *THEY* APPROACHED *ME*, DON’T FUCKING THINK THAT I BEFRIENDED THEM PURPOSELY. YOU KNOW, THEY BOTHER ME WITH “hey karkat how’s dave?” “hi karkat!! have things been okay with dave?” AS IF I WAS YOUR CARETAKER OR SOME SHIT. 

TG: ughh

CG: TALK TO THEM FOR FUCK’S SAKE, I CAN’T TAKE THEIR IDIOCY ANY LONGER. ALTHOUGH JADE IS NICE, I GRUDGINGLY ADMIT THAT I LIKED HER. IN A FRIEND WAY.

CG: FUCK JOHN THOUGH, LEAVE HIM TO BURN IN THE DARKEST PITS OF HELL. SOMETIMES HE’S EVEN MORE OF AN ASSHOLE THAN I AM, AND THAT’S SAYING SOMETHING. HE’S AN ABSOLUTELY INSESITIVE FUCK.

CG: I ALSO REALLY DON’T NEED *YOUR* BEST FRIENDS PESTERING ME EVERY NOW AND THEN BECAUSE YOU AREN’T TALKING TO THEM AS MUCH ANYMORE.

TG: man fine okay ill talk to them

CG: I GUESS THAT SOUNDS GOOD ENOUGH.

TG: but cant it just be later i kinda wanna sneak over to your place and shit

CG: WHAT THE FUCK? NO. PLEASE, I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING FROM PARENTS OR KANKRI.

TG: i can shimmy my way up to your window

CG: ????

CG: DON’T TELL ME YOU SUDDENLY HAVE NINJA SKILLS, STRIDER. YOU DON’T MOVE LIKE ONE.

TG: of course not thats because im moving gracefully like a ballerina most of the time. a hella lot of pirouettes everywhere i tell ya

CG: STOP PLAGUING ME WITH LIES.

TG: but its only the truth kat. just accept who i am

CG: I SWEAR WHEN I GET BACK FROM THIS GODFORSAKEN TRIP, I WILL FUCKING FORCE YOU TO PROVE ALL THIS.

CG: ALTHOUGH, I ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN GET UP TO MY WINDOW. I DON’T KNOW WHY.

TG: ill have you know that i used to do parkour with dirk before back in texas

CG: I FAIL TO SEE THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS USELESS INFORMATION. 

TG: dude could you imagine like we could be in a romeo and juliet situation and i would need to parkour up your house just to get to your room

CG: MY PARENTS AREN’T THAT HOMOPHOBIC.

CG: I THINK.

CG: FUCK IT. WE’RE KEEPING THIS A REALLY FUCKING *SECRET* SECRET RIGHT?

TG: cross my heart. ill keep it a *secret* secret

TG: but schools gonna be a huge shit hitting the fan though

CG: HOW ABOUT WE JUST TALK ABOUT SCHOOL FOR SOME OTHER TIME RATHER THAN TODAY?

TG: thats a good idea.

CG: FUCK, I GOTTA GO GET READY. FUCK THIS TRIP, HOLY SHIT.

TG: no problem let me wallow alone in my own self-deprecation

CG: I’LL MESSAGE YOU WHEN WE GET THERE, DON’T BE SO DRAMATIC. JESUS, SECONDS INTO THIS RELATIONSHIP AND YOU’RE SO CLINGY AND SAD. I NEVER PEGGED YOU FOR THE TYPE, DAVE.

TG: youre gonna be like this when youre me i bet. actually i know youre gonna get set off immediately when i start flirting with anyone else

TG: ...

TG: youre suddenly quiet should i take this as a bad thing or did you just not tell me that youre dressing up

TG: actually

TG: fuck damnit

Your perverted goddamn mind. 

TG: yeah i think im out for now. pretty sure that jakes awake now and theres gonna be mad bfast

TG: message me before you leave the house.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

You can't say a weight hasn't been lifted up from your shoulders.

You feel pretty great actually. 

Fuck yeah.

\---------- 

It’s 8 AM.

You’re pacing up and down right now in your room. The trip isn’t gonna take too long, you hope it doesn’t. Karkat had told you that they were just gonna go to the city, you told him to tell you about what he sees. It’s his first time going there anyway.

 Karkat also pointedly told you not to message him when he’s in the car because he gets queasy when he tries to read or even use his phone and a queasy Karkat isn’t good. Especially not good for the car and the people inside the car.

Figures that Karkat’s carsick. It’s almost like he’s telling you to go bother somebody else, and you highly suspect that “somebody else” means John and Jade.

But still, it’s weird that his parents planned a trip to get out of town until New Year’s.

You miss Karkat.

You message him that, just to spite him. But you know that he sees it as endearing or whatever. You’d definitely find someone endearing when they message you that they miss you when you’re in a car, making you curious and look at the message then you end up nauseous as hell and ready to hurl your guts. Definitely romantic.

Well, _you’re_ not carsick though.

But you think you’re gonna throw up from the anxiety that’s been packing up in your stomach. You feel a coldness spreading across your back and creeping up to your neck, like a snowman was either breathing heavily behind you or you’ve been rolling in the snow outside and you just don’t remember. The confidence that’s been running through your veins had now disappeared. Confidence back down to zero, bye bye, Confidence, it was nice knowing you. Thank you for getting me a cute boyfriend that’s gonna be gone for days.

You’re definitely not okay about not seeing Karkat even for a few days. Funny enough, he had this comforting air around him even though he’s so rough around the edges. If he were here, you’d already be working up the courage to message either John or Jade. Obviously because all the insults and curses he spews at you are _very_ inspiring.

You break your pace and walk over to the phone that’s resting beside your folded shades.

_It wouldn’t be that hard to talk to John and Jade right?_

You take the phone in your hands, open Pesterchum and tapping on John’s handle. It takes a few breaths to finally get yourself to type words.

_Here we go._

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] \--

TG: hey dude

TG: egbert for the love of god please answer me youre making me feel like more of an asshole

GT: oh hi dave!

GT: oh woops

\-- ghostyTrickster [GT]  ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  \--

Oh.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  \--

GG: hi again dave! 

Nice, okay. You always wanted to talk to Jade. Maybe John’s phone was off.

GG: i think john was using the family computer earlier, seems like he also forgot to log off!

TG: hey harley nice to see you whered john disappear off to?

GG: he went to get ready and see his girlfriend

GG: seems like everybodys leaving today :(

GG: you have any plans?

TG: egbert has a girlfriend

TG: when did that happen

GG: he told me that they met at the diner, some freaky stuff was happening, i dont know

GG: he doesnt talk about her much, maybe vriska serket rings a bell for you??

TG: nah doesnt ring a single bell in my damn mind. i was just kinda surprised though

TG: who knew egbert could get a girlfriend

GG: they share interests, at least thats what he told me. hmm

GG: so howve you been dave?? we havent talked in a while! well, i guess karkats already told you that weve been keeping tabs

GG: i bet he reminded you about us, heh

TG: as embarrassing as it is. youre spot fucking on harley

TG: im really sorry didnt really mean to.. push you guys away

GG: i totally understand, dave! i really do! but its john you want to talk to really 

GG: he easily feels sad and guilty about things, you know

TG: yeah shit i know

TG: uh how long have they been together?

GG: vriska was really bold about it actually, just suddenly asked him to be her boyfriend, um weeks, days ago? supposed to be the way around but at least theyre happy!!

TG: did john leave already?

GG: nope, but in a few minutes he will theyre going on a date. 

GG: i think its better that you dont message him before a date

TG: who goes on a date at eight in the morning what the hell

TG: theyre a fucked up bunch

GG: shh!

GG: they can do whatever they want dave

TG: right right

GG: but.. she stays a lot at our house, she doesnt sleep here though

GG: you know she actually spent christmas here its kinda weird actually

GG: like she didnt have a family to celebrate with :(

GG: but anyways!! how have you and karkat been?

TG: what.. do you mean

GG: hes being awfully cagey about talking about you. i dont think you wanna hear my thoughts about it though :) hehe

TG: no no no shoosh you keep quiet right there

GG: i thought so :X

TG: ...

GG: ...

TG: so uh. whats been up with you

GG: oh nothing much actually! ive been helping out johns dad with the cooking work since ive got nothing else to do. all of you guys have been going out in pairs lately! and i admittedly feel a bit left out.. :(

TG: man i feel like crap for not talking to you guys. you can always hit me up with a quick chat every now and then jade

GG: its really okay dave! bec and uncle egbert are really nice company though

GG: though i dont like it when john brings vriska over or, at least vriska brings herself over. the aura she brings with her is.. unsettling kind of

GG: but what do i know?? john can date whoever he wants, as long as hes happy :)

TG: i dont know harley. she sounds like bad news coming from you.

GG: its probably just nothing dave. anyways! hearing the ruckus downstairs is kind of my cue to go down and help uncle!

TG: go on girl i wont stop you

GG: hehe, bye dave!

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  \--

Now, you actually feel glad that it was Jade that answered you. You don’t want to face a sad, maybe even pissed Egbert.

No one could ever be all unicorn and rainbows inside. Not even the most happy-go-lucky person. Everybody’s the same like that, having some sort of negativity hanging over their head. Sometimes it shows itself, sometimes it hides, but it always comes back.

Fuck that went a bit derailed there.

You sigh and sit where you sat last night, imagining that Karkat was there with you. Kissing you.

**\----------**

It’s 9 AM, very close to become 10 AM.

You’re sprawled on your bed when it suddenly vibrates and you turn your gaze to your phone that’s almost beyond your reach, you make an effort to get it because you think you know who’s messaging you.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

CG: HOLY FUCK, KILL ME RIGHT NOW.

TG: so what took you like almost four hours to do

TG: went shopping and shit?

CG: NO, WE DID NOT GO SHOPPING. BUT MY MOM AND DAD ENDED UP FIGHTING AND NOW MY DAD’S FUCKING GONE.

CG: FAMILY FUCKING DRAMA.

TG: you act like this is a normal thing

TG: actually thinking on that it probably is

CG: THEY DO FIGHT, BUT NOT MOST OF THE TIME.

CG: BUT IT’S JUST, STILL UNSETTLING TO HEAR THEIR VOICES SO HIGH LIKE THAT.

CG: BLEH. FUCK MARRIAGE IN THE ASS.

TG: seems like the universe is trying every way to fuck you up man

CG: I DON’T KNOW WHY WE WOULD EVER GO ON THIS STUPID TRIP ANYWAY

TG: youre.. actually not the least of excited to see the city in the flesh?

CG: WELL SURE, IT WAS NICE TO HEAR THE NOISY HUSTLING OF ALL THE CARS AND PEOPLE. AND THE TALL ASS BUILDINGS THAT WERE AT EVERY FUCKING CORNER.

TG: your first time seeing the city shouldnt be like this kat

TG: you know it.

CG: I’D NEVER EXPECT A GRAND TOUR OF SOME SORT. I DON’T NEED A GUIDE. I DON’T NEED ANYTHING. I JUST.

CG: I JUST WANT TO FUCKING ENJOY SHIT BY MYSELF.

CG: MAYBE EVEN WITH YOU.

There’s a faint ache in your heart but you ignore it. At this point of conversation, Karkat won’t even try to be all loving and shit. You can almost hear the tiredness in his voice as he’s rambling to himself while typing. He always talks to himself. You’ve learned not to question it. For now.

CG: THIS WAS SUCH A SHITTY IDEA.

CG: UGH. PLEASE, TAKE THE MIC AND TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.

TG: oh right sorry. didnt know it was my cue now we havent rehearsed this part of the play yet

TG: i talked to jade shes fine with all the shit that ive been pulling

TG: john. well hes kinda busy with someone else

CG: HERE, YOU FEEL THAT STAB OF BETRAYAL IN YOUR GUT? WELL, THAT’S WHAT HE FELT WHEN YOU STOPPED TALKING TO THEM. SUCK IT UP, DON’T BE SO SALTY.

TG: okay geez i wasnt even salty

TG: why did you suddenly get so protective of egderp whats up with that?

CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP.

TG: you really care more for people than you let on dont you

CG: NOPE, NOPE. FUCK OFF. WE’RE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS, ASSHOLE.

TG: theres the aggressive karkat

TG: question does the name vriska serket mean anything to you

CG: HAVEN’T HEARD OF IT. 

TG: ...

TG: you think theres an off chance that you guys get home early

CG: TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE FACT THAT MY DAD’S GONE? SURE, MAYBE I CAN SWEET TALK MY MOM INTO JACKING THE CAR AND DRIVING BACK HOME. 

TG: haha 

CG: YOU THINK YOU CAN TALK TO JOHN NOW?

TG: ...

TG: i guess.

TG: youll stay on though right

CG: WHERE ELSE WOULD I GO? 

TG: i dont know man

TG: the guys there must be pretty eye catching

CG: SADLY, I’M ONLY ATTRACTED TO BLOND DOUCHEBAGS WITH SHADES.

TG: its so heartwarming to know that i take up all of your affection

CG: DON’T BLOW IT. JUST GO TALK TO JOHN.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

You were thinking about just lying to Karkat about talking to him. On the other hand, you were just wondering who Vriska Serket could be, and how John could like someone like her. Technically speaking, on the other hand, you just want to talk to John.

Jade’s impression of her didn’t seem pretty good, and you know Jade has a really trustworthy view on people. You remember way back when her prediction of Karkat was actually spot on. Maybe you should ask Jade again, about stuff. Or Rose even, does she still chat with the cousins? Hopefully, yes.  You sigh, disgruntled and smother your face in the sheets.

_Christ, just man up, Strider._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> worst updater to have ever update ever lmao 
> 
> and the coding is back to make me suffer for my sins. the perfect kind of masochism. then to add i fucked up by putting it on rich text and it ended up all mashed together and i had to separate every fucking paragraph and pesterlog. i regret making the dave n karkat one so long. AND EVERYTHING IS IN PARAGRAPHS! im dying the davekat pesterlog was so fucked up in the coding, actually scratch that. all the pesterlogs are filled with karkats color fff
> 
> EDIT: when you just mash the pesterlogs together but then realize that you want them separated. and you realize youre totally fucked
> 
> such a nice "welcome back" from the site.
> 
> i wish yall a good day/night it will be in a next few years before i update again if you intend on waiting that long


	6. dave talks with john simple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry for bein mia i also got no song for this one

The first you see of John in a long time is outside, through your window. He’s with someone though.

You’ve been smoking again and can’t really help it. It’s kinda killing you already that Karkat’s still staying at the city. Few more days though, he’s gonna be back. Just hold on to your damn panties, briefs, boxers, etc. Whatever the hell floats your boat.

But back to John, you were just staring out into the road, occasionally swiping glances at Karkat’s house a few houses away. Then, you see a familiar blue coat that stands out from the usual white background. Two blue coats, actually. One’s darker though, almost like cerulean.

Unfortunately, you don’t have super vision like Karkat so you can barely even see what they actually look like but you can recognize John’s blue coat anywhere. The other figure, well, you’ve never seen her. Her long hair is a dead giveaway that she’s female but she’s not Jade, Jade always wears her green coat.

They seem happy. You can only assume that’s Vriska with him.

Sometimes, you think you’re just bringing both John and Jade down with your problems. They don’t deserve that shit from you.

You just sigh and rub the cigarette you’ve been holding on to, against the window sill. There are too many black marks on the old wooden surface to count; you should really use an ash tray. You drop the small stub in the trashcan beside your desk.

Deciding that spying on Egbert with his girlfriend is kind of a dick move; you retreat to your laptop and chat Rose up.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

TG: rose

TT: Dave.

TG: no dont make me laugh im trying to be serious here

TG: rose

TG: im fucking up badly

TG: like shit i dont know how the fuck to approach john. i cant fucking talk to him and i really dont want to wait for school. youre actually good at giving advice so what the fuck do i do

TG: assuming i dont need to do some weird ritual for your words in this and you still talk to him

TT: You need the heart of a frog, the head of a young virgin, hair and blood from a black cat, a pentagram made of ashes and the burnt body of a fox.

TG: rose i swear

TG: youre quoting this from some fucked up show or game whatever arent you

TT: You have guessed right. Anyways, you do not need to do any sort of ritual. I still talk with John, he has told me...

TT: Plenty of things, in fact.

TG: yeah yeah i get it he tells you heaps of gossip no need to be vague as shit for my sake i just need your fucking help

TT: You’re seeming hot-headed today, Dave. May I ask why?

TG: i dont know ugh

TG: how about you just relay a message

TG: im too chickenshit for this

TT: Very well. I understand your distress. What shall I say?

**\----------**

Maybe you’d feel a bit better if Karkat was here with you. Shit, you’re making it sound like he’s dead.

But bringing Karkat along would ruin what you’re trying to do.

You’re standing at the center of your room, or at least what you consider as the center. Your phone rings.

CG: WE’RE GOING BACK HOME. LIKE, AT THIS VERY MOMENT.

CG: DID YOU MAKE UP WITH JOHN YET?

CG: I SWEAR IF YOU HAVEN’T.

TG: oh youre going back?

TG: shit dude i was just kind of on my way to johns and uh

CG: OH, THAT’S GREAT.

TG: i cant tell if youre pissed or glad. i havent made up with him yet though

CG: I JUST SIGHED IN RELIEF, SEEING THAT YOU’RE FINALLY GETTING YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. I THOUGHT THE SIGH WAS LOUD ENOUGH SO THAT YOU COULD HEAR IT, APPARENTLY NOT.

TG: oh wait im getting something

TG: hold on

TG: yeah nothing i guess it wasnt loud enough

TG: but well see

TG: im gonna have to log off and collect my confidence

TG: gotta catch it all like pokemon

TG: okay no that was bad

TG: but you get the idea

TG: xoxo

CG: DORK.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

Somehow, Karkat calling you a dork makes you smile. Weird.

It feels really nice to smile though.

You walk over to your closet and wear one of your raglans and jeans. You also get the red coat you’ve been refusing to wear since winter started for some reason. You should have caught hypothermia a long time ago. But as long as you didn’t get it, it doesn’t matter right?

Now, you’re outside, walking beside the street. A coat over your body, providing warmth. Something you’re very familiar with now since Karkat left and you just locked yourself in the house.

You consider turning around and running away when you’re at John and Jade’s doorstep. But shit, you should just face the problems like a man, not a wimp, goddamnit. It shouldn’t be that hard to just knock on the door. Right? It takes a few tries to finally get your hand near the door.

_That wasn’t so hard now was it? Now.. just knock-_

Then suddenly the fucking thing swings open without you even touching it, making you flinch. You stare at the figure that swung the door open.

It was a girl, shorter than you by a few inches, probably taller than Karkat. She had long black hair that reached her shoulders, shorter than Jade’s. Her skin is sun-kissed, of course someone like John would find her attractive.

She isn’t your type at all.

On her nose rested a pair clear browline glasses that revealed dark blue eyes, and those eyes were glaring at you right now.

“Who are you?” She sneered, not a good first impression.

This could only be Vriska.

“Hey, Vriska, wait up! You forgot-“ John appears behind her and he sees you, he was holding a dark blue coat. The black-haired boy pushes the girl away gently, “Dave! You’re early.” There’s an uneasy smile on his face as he keeps glancing at his girlfriend. She’s still glaring at you.

_Who pissed in her cheerios this morning?_

“Uh, Vris. This is the guy I talked to you about, you know, my best friend?” Then her glare fades away and she instead, gives you a sickly sweet smile. A second before, she looked like she was ready to kill you.

“Oh? Dave Strider, I see.”

“Yeah, Vriska Serket.” You hold out a hand and she ignores it, then she gets the dark blue coat that’s been in John’s hand for way too long and she drapes it over her shoulders. She mumbles a good-bye to John and kisses him on the cheek, then she deliberately bumps her shoulder into your arm when she walks past you.

_Bitch._

“Um,” John frowns but it obviously looks like he didn’t see the harsh shoulder brush, then scratches the back of his head, “Come in, I’ll call Jade. It’s nice to see you back, man.” He stretches his hand to the direction of the couch and you don’t waste any time in making yourself at home.

“Hey, Jade! Dave’s here.” He shouts and you immediately hear scampering upstairs. You wince inwardly, cursing yourself for forgetting.

_The devilbeast approaches._

“Down, Bec!” John yelps as he barely gets out of the way of an overly-excited white German Shepherd comes barreling down the stairs, “Ah, shit!” You use your coat to repel the large canine, successfully keeping his slobbering jaws away from you but the couch is now inhabited by one big-ass dog.

“I never know why he’s so excited to see you.” John raises an eyebrow, sitting on the armrest on the other side of the couch. You try to get as far as you can from the dog by sitting on the armrest as well.

“I don’t know too, bro.” You recoil at how wet your coat is now, John laughs nervously.

“I think I should take that and hang it near the heater. Although,” He pauses, “It’s gonna smell like Bec slobber until you wash it out.”

“Fuck, man.” You glare at the dog and he wags his tail even more even though he can’t see that you’re actually glaring at him. You throw your coat at John and he yelps as the wet clothing reaches him.

After he disappears upstairs, Jade comes running down the stairs this time.

“Dave! You’re early.” She smiles and gently pushes the content white German Shepherd off the couch; the dog emits a few whines. But he rests on the carpet, his long fluffy tail sweeping from side to side every so often.

“Yeah, cool ain’t it?” You plop yourself back on the cushions and lean towards Jade, “Was that Vriska earlier?” Jade looks at you pitifully.

“I didn’t really want you to meet her that way, Dave. She was kind of in a bad mood.”

“Looked like it.”

John comes back down the stairs, clasping his hands together, “Right so, guys!” You lean away from Jade.

“So, Egbert. What’s the plan?”

“Well, uh.” John glances briefly at Jade while sitting down beside you then flashes you his classic Egbert smile, where his lips curve upward crookedly and his unusual three buck teeth are obvious. The teeth are what he’s known for actually.

That and his rep as class joker. Even if his jokes were shit, he was still goofy as hell. He’s also the class prankster; you haven’t run into any of his pranks when you were still in school. Probably because you’ve been hanging around Karkat who didn’t hang around much in the classroom.

_Right, Karkat. He’s gonna be back here soon, just try to enjoy this._

_Keep your cool, Strider. John’s still your friend. You gotta settle this shit right now like men._

“I was thinking if you’d like some of the cake that Uncle Egbert and I baked like, yesterday!” Jade breaks the silence, saving John from his impending predicament. You smile at her.

_Cake can’t be that bad. Hell, cakes are never bad._

“Sure, why not? I’ll be able to judge your baking skills, Harley.” She disappears behind the counter after walking to the kitchen. You swear she flashes you a thumbs up before vanishing though.

“I’ve heard from Karkat,” John says suddenly and his face turns beet red, “I mean, uh. Shit...” You grab his shoulder with one hand.

“No, bro, it’s alright. Karkat’s told me everythin’ you and Jade had been doin’.” You turn your gaze away from him, “I’m really sorry for being such an asshole to you guys. I really didn’t mean to be that kind of dude.”

“That kind of dude?” The other male echoes, confused, “What do you mean?” You tug at the collar of your shirt with slight frustration.

“I mean like the kind of dude that suddenly abandons his friends.”

John looks surprised, “Well, I guess it did hurt a bit but Jade and I are sure that you have a reason,” Then he looks around as if watching out for Jade, “She told me about you and- _OW!_ ” John yelps as Jade magically reappears and smacks him upside the head with her left hand and in the other, she was holding a plate of cake.

“I’m sorry, John!” Jade’s tone of voice is scarily convincing, “But I was calling for you for minutes! The fridge is broken again.” John glares at her and drags himself to the kitchen.

The girl frowns toward her cousin’s way, “I’m sorry, Dave. He can barely keep his mouth shut sometimes!” She hands you the plate, “Anyways, you better eat that before Becky wakes up.” Jade scratches Becquerel behind the ears, smiling fondly at the sleeping canine.

“Hey, Jade!” There’s nothing wrong here!” John yells from the kitchen after a while. Jade giggles silently and you realize why she took so long. The girl has her own awesome ways of getting back at Egbert.

“Huh, that’s weird. Did you check the freezer?”

“Wh- Oh, dammit! _Jade!_ ” John bursts out of the kitchen, rocketing up the stairs like The Flash. Apparently, John loves soaking people with water but hates getting soaked himself. 

You’re not even sure if Jade used water.

But, Unfortunately, Egbert’s screams of terror are enough to wake up the devilbeast and suddenly eating cake is a lot harder than you thought it was.

**\----------**

“So, speaking of Karkat. How is he?” John asks. You’ve been here for hours now. His fault since he put on some of his movies earlier.

“We’re just dandy,” Your accent murders “dandy” while you talk, “He’s been outta town since Christmas. But he’s coming back today.”

_Other than that, I macked on him when he was at my place and we talked about it and now we’re boyfriends. Hell, yeah. I’m gay as fuck if you haven’t noticed. And I’m actually more nervous to meet up with him again than meet up with you._

“Oh, that’s great!” He replies but you know that he and Jade are gonna talk more about you and Karkat later with Rose. The gossiping bastards.

You can barely trust anyone in these dark days. The world is absolutely scary, yo.

Jade’s upstairs with Bec, they left after John put on the first few movies. You’re alone with him.

If it was still Texas, you’d be crushing hardcore on the kid. But you’ve long changed your mind since you moved here with Dirk two years ago.

Like you said, everything that happened in Texas, stays in Texas. Can’t let anything bother you.

“-Dave? Hey, Dave.” Your phone’s been going off.” John’s voice is clear again.

“Oh, fuck.” _You blind idiot._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im learning about clothing 
> 
> and i swear ill try harder to write more, free time is kind of running out for me. im only just starting to use my notebook for writing for this. thankies for waiting and im pretty sure you know whos texting him


	7. looks like its all happy now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning minor character death :>
> 
> [x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYznfCEUE30)
> 
> i figured this could be a song

“You don’t mind right?” You ask.

John just rolls his eyes, “I’m sure it’s important because it’s been flashing like crazy beside you when you were zoning the fuck out.”

“Common courtesy.” You mumble while looking at your phone. John chuckles.

It’s honestly not who you expected it to be.

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG]  began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

 **AG: Okay, listen h8re, 8uddy!**

AG: I don’t know what you’ve 8een doing to John 8efore 8ut if you fuck him up again, I’ll fuck you up mys8lf. 

AG: Are you even getting this? 

AG: John wouldn’t lie to me a8out your handle. 

AG: Answer me right now. 

AG: D8n’t you d8re ignore me!!!!!!!! 

TG: woah holy shit 

TG: death threats are new 

TG: who is this 

TG: wait 

TG: is this vriska 

AG: Yessssssss. Took you long enough. 

AG: I know you’re still there at John’s 8ecause he’s still not texting me. And I should’ve told you this earlier but if he comes 8ack to me crying, your face will immedi8ly meet the floor. 

AG: Now, tell John that you’re going to the 8athroom 8efore I say anything more 8ecause you are getting a 8eatdown!!!!!!!! 

TG: what no way 

TG: look im not gonna get bothered by some hotshot bitch alright 

TG: hell even jade gets bad vibes from you and i think thats enough reason for me to not trust you 

TG: but if were being truthful here im just gonna pretend to be happy about you and john and ill be on my merry way 

TG: could you just not threaten me like im not his best friend 

TG: im trying to fix things for once 

TG: i hate fucking up as much as you hate me so i think we can be on the same page here 

TG: now if youll excuse me im gonna talk with my best friend again 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] blocked arachnidsGrip [AG] \--

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering arachnidsGrip [AG]] \--

AG: You got some 8ack8one to talk shit, Strider. You’re v8ry funny. 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] did not receive message from arachnidsGrip [AG]\--

AG: I’m warning you. ::::) 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] did not receive message from arachnidsGrip [AG]\--

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

“Who was it?” John asks, trying to look at your phone screen. You close it before he could see the cerulean text and slip it into your pocket.

“Dirk asking me where the hell I am.” _Might as well lie about his girlfriend being a colossal bitch to you._

Very bad first impression on her part.

Well, then again she didn’t seem to get a good impression on you either when John was talking about you. It’s your fault in the end.

“You gotta go?” He asks, his tone somewhat dejected. Seems like he was really having fun. You were too, aside from the movies that he played. You should’ve brought some of your movies over.

“Nah, Dirk ain’t really the boss of me, man.” You lean back into the couch.

“Pissing him off isn’t the good though.” John notes.

“Holy hell, yeah. I remember the look on his face when he discovered that you broke one of his precious snow globes from Jake.”

“You told me it was all good to sneak into his room, you know.” The other male pouts, but you grin.

“It was worth it to see how you apologized faster than a bat outta hell.”

“Who even keeps snow globes at the bedside table?”

“Eh, Dirk does. He likes being reminded of how much his boyfriend loves the fuck out of him,” You tip your head over to the right, “Weird as shit but kind of sweet, I guess.”

“He always kept his door locked after that, didn’t he?”

“Yep.”

The room has a comfortable silence to it.

“Hey, where’s your dad?” You ask, “Haven’t seen ‘im since I got here.” Yeah, normally Dad Egbert was in the kitchen or reading one of his joke books while sitting in his lazy boy that’s in the corner, near the TV.

“Mm,” John looks at you from the other side of the couch, pausing for a moment, “He went to Washington. He’s been there since the last few days. Do you remember Jane?”

“Which Jane? The Jane who makes the best fuckin’ pastries in the entire world?”

“Yeah, her, I heard from Dad that she might move in with us because Nanna’s kinda weak nowadays,” John gulps, hands twitching nervously. You can’t blame him; John’s really close with his grandmother. You’ve met her before and you can’t say that she isn’t a chill, sweet, and awesome lady. But the thought of her leaving...

A small piece of what remains of your heart chips off slowly and it makes your chest hurt.

Even if you weren’t that close with her. You can still feel a bit of John’s pain. You’ve never actually lost someone to death before, but the least you can do is be empathic because you really like Nanna, she was kind of an older mother to you when she could still visit.

Death’s a fucking bitch.

The atmosphere of the room immediately turns miserable.

You lean forward and pat his knee. You realize that maybe the last few weeks have been shittier for him.

Wow, you feel like an asshole now. An even bigger fucking asshole.

You just hope that Vriska’s been helping and supporting him when you didn’t. The thought seemed kinda farfetched but what would you know? Maybe behind every bitch/douchebag/asshole/dickhead is a soft-hearted sensitive and understanding person.

Still isn’t safe to assume though.

“Again, sorry that I left you guys in the dark. I fuckin’ suck,” You withdraw your hand, “Especially with all of this happening.”

John gives out a tired laugh, “If you apologize one more time for anything else I’m not gonna forgive you ever again.” You think he means it,

The room goes silent again, “Man, I’m fuckin’ beat now.” You yawn.

“You wanna sleep here or coop up in your house?” John stands up, “I can walk you.” The other male stands up, stretching his arms. Your arms have been aching since the last few movies. You don’t blame him from wincing when his right arm pops.

“Pff, what am I? A fragile piece of shit? I can still handle a walk through the neighborhood.”

“Common courtesy.” John does his best impression of you.

His best impression is sadly shit.

“That’s not cool, bro,” You frown, “Can’t just go around steal other people’s lines.” You make an effort to stretch your legs. It’s painfully relieving.

John smiles, “Besides, I promised Karkat that I’d watch you for him.”

“You did what?”

_Wait._

“Karkat?”

“Yeah, he asked me to look out for you. It was kinda weird but I promised,” John shrugs, “Are you really sure that there’s nothing between you guys?”

“Dude, what the fuck?” You feel hot right in the face, “Okay, one! He might’a been jokin’, y’know. Two,” You raise two fingers, “Even if you did goddamn promise that doesn’t mean you get to babysit the shit outta me. Fucking three, what the fuck?” John blinks, unfazed, then smiles wider.

“Dude you’re in so much denial and you’re embarrassed as all hell!” John giggles, “Shit, Jade’s really missing this.”

“Right, ‘make fun of Dave’ time is over, Egderp. Cut the shit.” You clench your jaw. John’s expression morphs from “oh my god dave youre hilarious!” to “oh shit hes _kinda_ pissed” in a matter of seconds.

“I’m gonna up and leave now, I guess you can come with me like the apparent gentleman you fuckin’ are.”

Your coat is dry by then, it didn’t smell too bad after John sprayed it with his dad’s manly cologne, and You have to admit that you also got a can of shaving cream from the dude’s stash. John actually stole like five, you think he’s gonna play mad scientist with Jade. His dad has an unlimited amount of shaving cream anyway.

Dirk’s gotta get his beard under control somehow.

Jade’s a science nerd. You’re gonna practically explode when she recites the chemicals, fucking metalloids and other science-y stuff you couldn’t give a shit about. But you’re still proud of her getting perfect when it comes to the exams and she has like a ton of medals from past Science competitions.

John’s an all-rounder, but he’s one of the best in class. Little shit’s smarter than he looks. All the teachers, wait no. Actually everybody loves him.

And you’re just the math nerd. Numbers come easy for some reason.

As for John and Jade, you think it’s just the eyeglasses. It’s always the eyeglasses.

“Oh, are you going already, Dave?” Jade looks up from her book, she’s dressed in pajamas. She’s sitting on the bottom bunk bed with Bec curled up against her.

Looking around, their room never changed.

“Yeah, it was fun stayin’ over here.” You reply, eyeing John who was putting the cans under the bed.

“I’m glad you did! I don’t think I could handle it anymore if I didn’t see you boys hanging around anymore,” Jade smiles softly, “It’s really boring to have a sad cousin, you know.” She pointedly looks at John.

“I’m gonna take all the shaving cream back if you don’t stop talking about how sad I was,” John’s glaring at her, “No experiments for you!” It was obvious that he was joking though, Jade smacks his shoulder playfully.

It’s so nice to see them happy, with you being in the same room.

“Hell, watchin’ you guys makes me slowly want to stay the night here.” You grin.

“Oooh!” Jade claps happily, “You can sleep on the small sofa bed if you want! It’s back in the spare room.”

“Sure, I can, Harley,” You drape your coat over John’s blue chair that was beside his study desk, “Give me a hand with the bed, Egbert.”

After hauling it together back to the bedroom, you settle to watch a movie with them. Jade’s pick, of course, to keep you from sleeping early. But it’s no use really when it was all about the Sci-Fi future with a bit of illegal (??) romance between two people shit. She should have at least put on a movie about time traveling.

That’s still science, right?

**\----------**

The next morning you’re awoken by an angry phone that’s buzzing right in your ear.

“Oh, Jesus fuck, can someone please turn that shit down?” You groan, turning over, eyes still closed. You have a feeling that it’s still too early in the morning for a phone call.

After several seconds, the ringing stops.

Then it starts again.

It rings for four times in a row, not stopping at all.

“Will nobody actually turn that off? _Ugh_.” You make a sound that’s crossed between a dying whale and a goose. After rethinking your whole life, you turn over and grab the phone as it rings for the fifth time now.

“Who is this?” You murmur tiredly.

“Dave.” Oh _shit_ , that voice. It sends the creepies through your bones.

“Hey, Kat.” You sit up immediately, rubbing your eyes. You’re on the sofa bed that’s positioned by the wall near the door.

The only person in the room is you. You were just talking to no one earlier then.

“Good morning, asshole. Took you long enough to answer me.” Holy hell, it felt good to hear his voice.

“I was tryna to ignore you.” You can hear Karkat’s heavy breathing stop for a moment. Probably because of your accent.

“You were trying to sleep in.” He corrects sharply.

“Somethin’ like that. What time is it anyway?” You move the phone away from the side of your face and check the time. Fucking 8 AM, “8 AM, Kat. What the fuck? Where are you, dude?”

“You have to get down to find out, crotchstain.” What a tease.

“Woah, tone down on the early mornin’ swears man. I’m not ready to defend from that shit yet. Also, you’re cruel.”

“Hmm. Hey, John. You locked the door upstairs from the outside, didn’t you?” There’s a muffled yes on the other line.

You make another incoherent, distressed noise, “What?” How could he possibly talk John into a goddamn prank at 8 AM in the morning? That’s like way too early for John.

You’d think that a guy like him would wake up at like 7 AM unlike Jade who wakes up at 6 AM. What’s wrong with your friends’ sleeping schedules??

“Good luck, Strider.” You can faintly hear giggles in the background. Aaand. He hangs up.

_Absolute jerks, man._

You stand up, absolutely not ready for this. You take a couple of minutes before recollecting yourself then test the door. It’s locked.

You will absolutely kick John and Karkat’s ass after this. You look around some more, the window is wide open.

You haven’t done this since last year. When did it last year, you almost broke a leg. It wasn’t such a good experience.

But, fuck it, Karkat has to discover that you’re actually badass in one way or another. Fuck you for being a showoff.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG]  began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

TG: fine 

TG: but if i die or even break a single bone its all your faults 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG]  ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

\-- turntechGodhead [TG]  began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

TG: and youre paying for the bill 

TG: you rich mf 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG]  ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

Okay, good. You’re set with the cash money.

You walk to the window and sigh, putting your phone back in your pocket.

You manage to squeeze out the window, it’s small than you thought it was. Or maybe because you’re a big boy now that doesn’t need to climb out of windows like a ninja.

Well, admittedly climbing out of a window like a ninja is cool and all, but you’re too old for this fuckery. You can’t just go around almost breaking a few bones.

You’re standing on the tiled roof outside, still having a death grip on the windowsill. But, hell. No pain, no gain, right?

_Proverbs for the win._

You take one step. Another.

And...

And that is where you knew that you fucked up immensely when your foot slips off the roof tile.

_FUCK FUCK FUCK_

The event is going way too fast for you to handle. You have a mini heart attack when you misstep and fall on your ass then slide down onto the garage roof. You, of course, land face first and predictably, your shades _almost_ pierce your eyes..

“Shiiiiit.” You roll over so that your back is against the roof. Your entire body hurts, fuck, “Could I just stay here forever, please?” You say to no one in particular.

_Fuck this scary shit, dude._

You can’t believe that it took like three or four steps for you to mess up.

You sit up and turn away from the sun when you take off your shades so you won’t completely become blind.

Both pieces of tinted glass are cracked, the left one has a jagged crack right down the middle and the right one has multiple little cracks on both sides. You’re honestly surprised that they didn’t actually shatter and stab little pieces of glass into your eyes, but even if they’re still effective for blocking out light, the cracks make it impossible to see properly.

They’ve been with you for two years now but you guess it’s time to put them to rest.

“Rest in pieces, lil bro’s.” You look down at the shades, they were too young, too innocent.

You are getting John to buy an exact pair like this.

You hook them on your collar. Guess you just have to look away from the sun or just peek through your hands. You stand up and think.

_There was a ladder against the wall somewhere here, right?_

You look around and are proven correct, there’s a ladder propped up against the wall at the back of the garage. You remember the last time it was used was when Dadbert painted the outside walls, which was last year. It was left behind the garage and never used again.

Until you came along today.

 “Hope you don’t mind, ladder. I just gotta get down from here because my friends _and_ my boyfriend just want me to suffer,” You mumble, carefully getting down the ladder. After reaching the ground, you pat the rusty thing, “You did good, man. I hope you’ll actually be used in the future.”

With those last words, you turn to the back door and knock.

Seconds later, the door opens. It’s Karkat.

“Holy fuck, what happened to you?” He looks up at you, frowning. Judging from his semi-horrified reaction, you must look worse than you thought you looked.

“Yeah, about that. I kind of technically slid down the roof and hit my face into the garage roof.”

“Shades?” He gazes at your collar, you unhook them and hand them to him, “Oh.” He looks down at your horribly cracked shades.

“But, hey. I got down, didn’t I?” You grin.

“I guess.” He eyes you and suddenly pulls you down.

_That is too quick and sudden for you._

 “Dude, christ.” You mumble against the surprise kiss but you hold him by the waist. The feeling is familiar; everything from that certain night came back rushing to you days ago. So, you don’t have to wonder what it’s like.

It suddenly gets hot, like really hot between you two. Physically and atmospherically?

You think that that’s the word.

But like Karkat’s skin is so warm or maybe it’s just you being cold as Santa’s fat ass. It’s really hard to tell. Maybe it’s just you being delusional but you weren’t up there for that long to get hypothermia and shit right?

You pull away from the guy, “Dude, I think I’m dying. You’re so hot.” Karkat snorts, he’s staring at you with a softer, more welcoming warmth in his red eyes.

You don’t know warmth could be soft but that’s how you could describe it. ‘It’ meaning the thing, the emotion, the whatever that’s showing in his eyes.

Shit, you’re mesmerized already.

“John’s gonna think that a murderous man with an axe offed me if we stay here any longer,” He knits his eyebrows, “Or we’re just...”

“Yeah, fuck that,” You clear your throat and walk towards the closed door then you burst in there like nobody’s business, “Heeeree’s Johnny!” You whoop in the highest voice you can muster to match how the dude actually said it and Karkat smacks your shoulder, “Chill, I’ve been waiting for a moment like that for forever.” You frown, rubbing your shoulder.  You swear you heard a few yelps from the dining area though.

“Please spare me from ‘The Shining’.” The brunet grumbles as he pushes past you.

“Killjoy.” You mutter but follow him inside.

Inside the house, it’s thankfully really really warm. Bless John for one thing, turning on the heater. The cold immediately disappears from your skin. So, that debunks the chance of you having hypothermia. You’re cozy enough with the new temperature.

You also discover that Bec’s strangely attached to Karkat. You don’t think he’s a dog person at all when you see him scowl as the large white dog appears at his feet.

At least it isn’t you this time. So, you don’t have to worry about the devilbeast.

_Yay._

“Had a nice climb down, Dave?” John grins somewhat uneasily at you, he has his hand wrapped around the handle of a steaming ‘Ghostbusters’ mug. Old school.

Then you see that he’s holding a wet towel in his other hand and in an instant you know where the yelp from earlier came from.

“Yeah, I really enjoyed smashin’ my face into the roof like a water balloon,” You pause, “Without the water though. I thought that comin’ in here with blood all over my face was a bit fucked up. Seems like you spilled somethin’ though?” John glares at you and you grin.

_First payback’s a bitch, ain’t it, bro?_

“Hot choco?” Jade offers, she’s sitting beside John from across the dining table. You’re sitting beside Karkat.

When you nod, she slides a familiar-looking mug over to you. It’s flattering to see that she still kept the old ass mug with the custom-made scratched record decal alive.

That was unintentionally descriptive on your part. Let’s just call it your mug.

“Dude, Harley,” You blow softly into the mug before taking a sip, “You have earned a small extra bit of my respect just because you kept this unironically ironic thing alive.”

“You lost me at,” She purses her lips, you could see the gears turning in her head, “Unironically? Is that a word?” She turns to Karkat.

“I’ve stopped a long time ago to think about what registers as a real fucking word in this douchebag’s mouth.” He rolls his eyes. Jade looks to John.

“Sounds like one,” He shrugs nonchalantly, then looks at you, “Hey, Dave. Where are your shades?” You reach to your collar to realize it isn’t there, then Karkat leans forward  to save you from embarrassment and puts said accessory right in front of John. His grin fades into a lowly frown. You wince a bit, seeing how badly its tinted glass is cracked. Two years is a long time between you and the shades.

“You’re buyin’ it again. The exact same model. You know that right, John?”

“I’m not even sure if there’s still any of that type still existing, that was like two years ago, Dave!” John holds his hands up in surrender. Dork thinks you’ll left him off easily.

“I’m sure there’s one around town.” You retort, moving your left hand under the table to grip Karkat’s hand and moving the other to let you drink from your mug again. The action hides the smile that’s playing on your lips when your boyfriend squeezes your hand as he takes the lead in the conversation.

Maybe being nervous or worried about this shit just might be your fried nerves and insecurities.

_Fuck them both in the ass._

It feels right for once, having Karkat, John, and Jade in the same place, chatting endlessly. Even if it’s the first time that you’re all in the same room together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo im alive schools a mess im a mess but i still love this story 
> 
> vriskas kinda tricky to write tbh and im tryin hard to keep her in character i swear but shes kinda like this for the plot and i dont really like how im doing it. no offence theres nothin wrong with making a char a bit ooc for the plot but its just kinda eh 
> 
> have a good day/night, ladies n gentlemen n see you next update
> 
> rest in pieces shades


	8. bro happy new years at the start of september

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> am sorry this was supposed to be added two days ago but i decided to write a bit more
> 
> i tried on this chap, rip me. also i think there are a handful of references here idk i forgot and oh look, barely any coding. i did myself a favor

“Dude, tell me about the city.” You prompt Karkat again. You’re still at John and Jade’s since you convinced Karkat that you should at least hang out for a bit here. Also because, there’s still cake left in the fridge. You gotta love the cake even it’s just all vanilla with blue frosting.

Also because, John and Jade went up to their room earlier, after breakfast. Bec, of course is with them.

“Jesus dick, you’re never letting me off on that, aren’t you?” He glares at you from the other side of the loveseat. It’s the vintage one John’s dad got from his dad who also got it from his dad.

Simple explanation: It’s a loveseat. An old one.

“I don’t get why you’re not buryin’ me in stories yet.” You shrug, careful to keep the plate of cake on your stomach balanced. Karkat decides to play footsie with you on the soft cushions that both of your feet are on.

You don’t know why he’s low-key avoiding the topic.

_It kinda worries you a bit._

“I’m gonna kick that cake right into your face if you keep asking.” He replies with a slightly aggressive tone.

“I’m hurt that you don’t wanna get the storytimes on.” You put a hand over your chest, feigning pain. Karkat rolls his eyes.

“How about talking about New Year’s?”

“What about New Year’s?”

“Where are you going to party for it?”

You frown, “Well, we don’t really party. It’s usually just me, Bro and Jake. Buuut, considering that Dadbert isn’t here, John and Jade are probably going to join us at the house,” You pause, gazing at Karkat, “You?”

He shrugs, sighing, “I don’t know. Mom and Dad are gonna stay at the house, but they kind of fucking fought about some stupid stuff back at the city,” So that’s why, ”I just, I just wonder why they fight about so little things, you know? It’s really goddamn ridiculous.”

“Well, shit, you’re no different yourself, Kat.” You try for a joke, and he laughs through his nose.

“Fucking figured you’d notice.”

“Notice? It’s really obvious; you’re like the reason why the word hypocrite was invented.”

“And you’re the reason why the words asshole and ego were invented.”

“I prefer goin’ by cool.”

“Fuck off with your preference.”

“Wow, rude, not listenin’ to my opinions. You don’t respect my human rights,” Karkat kicks the plate of cake off your lap and it falls to the carpet, “Dude, what the fuck? Come on, you’re cleaning that up,” You grumble shoving his feet away, “I don’t think death by John or Jade is a great way to go out.”

“Of course, Dave McAsshole Strider would like to go out by sticking his head so far up his ass that he can’t even comprehend things anymore,” He snickers, “What an honorable way to die, going where humanity hasn’t been yet.”

“I’m gonna ollie outie, dude, let’s leave the cake here just to fuck with them.”

“Just to get back at them for locking the door upstairs?”

“I’m pretty sure that was your idea, dick.”

“What could I possibly gain from locking you in a room besides seeing you act like an idiot?”

“You wanted me to end up in the hospital with a couple of broken bones. Seems legit for boyfriends.”

“I _would_ pay for the bills though.”

“So, you _do_ have a secret stash of mons in your room, it’s beside the porn, isn’t it?” You grin.

“For the last fucking time, I don’t write porn!” He kicks you again, in between the legs this time.

_You’re lucky he has short legs._

“Every aspirin’ romance writer has at least written three smut stories.”

“You don’t even know the struggle of being a writer, shithead.”

“I’ve written a few songs in my time.” You shrug.

“Lies!” He says.

“Are you doubting my capacity to write, young man? Unbelievable, you never believe me.” Karkat rolls his eyes. You can see how vibrant they really are without your shades.

“How about we just talk about some other shit besides writing.”

“Nah, bro. I’m pretty sure you’re enjoyin’ all the attention I’m giving you for writin’.”

See, he barely talks about writing. You think it’s a sore subject for him because he’s never been encouraged about pursuing his sappy dreams.

Honestly, you know what it’s like to crave attention, every time you get a comment or a reference to one of your comics on the internet, the ego monster is slowly being fed and the feeling of being known by people is _so_ nice. Getting attention is probably the best feeling in the world next to being validated.

“Nope, I don’t appreciate it at all.” His annoyed tone is subdued, meaning he’s a dirty liar. You won’t call him out though.

“You wanna hang at my place?”

“Sure, I’m getting sick of seeing all the blue and green in this place. Especially, those fucking little figurines.”

“They’re creepy, aren’t they?” You look around, the harlequins get to you after a while if you aren’t used to them. You remembered getting creeped the fuck out the first time you visited this place.

Ah, good early memories. That was the first time you ate a cake, watched ‘Ghostbusters’ and ‘Con Air’, petted a dog and felt right at home. You mean like, Dirk didn’t have that kind of stuff before, he was still getting started on the furniture of the house and you had to sleep on a mattress on the floor for a few days until Jake dropped by and helped with the money.

Admittedly, the first guys-night-out you had with Dirk was awesome, he got you into the club he worked at and you got to see all his cool mixing shit. That was the first time you were at a club.

“I might just stab my eyes if I see this place one more time.” Karkat grumbles while standing up.

“You’re gonna get used to it when you’re gonna tag along with me when I come over here for a movie night.”

“I’d rather stay at home.”

“Aw, I promise I’ll snuggle with you, Kat.” You smirk.

“No thanks.”

“I feel pained.”

“Let’s just get to your house.”

“Being an eager beaver here, are we, Vantas?”

“The beavers here are John and Jade. Don’t compare me to a beaver.” He scowls.

“You have some vendetta against beavers? How about crabs?”

“Christ fuck above, shut up.”

You take a piece of cake from the floor and throw it at him in retaliation. He throws a piece of cake right back at you.

You make sure to leave a note saying that John and Jade should bring movies related to New Year’s.

**\----------**

“Ugh, fuck, turn that heater up.” Karkat mumbles from his place on your bed.

You don’t even turn to look at said heater, “Dude, that’s how high it’s gonna go. You can’t just expect me to magically control the heater.”

“How are you not freezing right now?” He hisses, trying to hide himself in your thin blanket. You shrug at the question.

“The only problem I’m havin’ right now is how the hell I’m gonna see.” You tap the pencil in your left hand on the sketchbook in front of you.

“Just move the curtains or open your lamp, nitwit. Stop having such an existential life crisis about your goddamn sight.”

“Wow. Stop havin’ some existential life crisis about your goddamn temperature.” You retort.

“Well, I just don’t get how you’re unaffected by how cold it is in the room right now.”

“I’m a cold-blooded creature.”

“I’m supposed to be the fearsome one.” Karkat grumbles, narrowing his eyes at you.

“At your height, I don’t know how you’re supposed to be scary.”

“Like I need to be six fucking feet tall to be scary.” He snorts.

“I’m not even six feet tall, you’re over exaggerating.” You reply.

“You look like you’re six feet tall.” He insists.

“You thinkin’ I don’t know my own height?”

“I doubt you know anything about yourself.”

“You doubt everything, you dirty pessimist.” You point out.

“The world is supposed to look grey and negative in my eyes.”

“Oh geez, too emo, Kat,” You look at him through the darkness of your room. He’s completely hidden in your sheets. Your pillows are piled around him and the only visible part of him is his face. It looks kind of scary because the light of the heater is reflecting off his eyes and that makes them really bright, “Please don’t look so edgy.”

He doesn’t move from his position. How does he even bend his back like that? Where the fuck are his legs?

“Fine, you can get a sweater from my fashion hole. Even top it off with a coat.”

“Your fashion hole,” Karkat repeats, “That sounds utterly fucking disgusting.

“It’s how naming works around here. We call the blender a whirling blade pitcher and the refrigerator an ice box. If you wanna know, we call the toilet the plop bowl.”

“Okay, okay! Stop giving me ear rape, Jesus!” His hands make a rare appearance to cover his ears.

“Dirk makes the rules.” You shrug.

“I thought that your brother would be more decent than you but why did I even dare to think that?” He groans.

“Just get the clothes. I don’t want you to get lost tryna’ to hide in my sheets.”

You find out that your old red and white Christmas sweater looks pretty good on him. It’s not the shitty one. It fits pretty good on him though, the sweater came from Jake when you celebrated your first Christmas here. You were a pretty small build back then, just like Karkat. It’s surprising to see how much you’ve grown in such a short amount of time. But, it’s also satisfying to see that you actually grew.

You’re a long way from being that scrawny kid that barely ate.

The thought brings your mind somewhere else though. If you were as small as Karkat before...

“God, why the fuck am I wearing this? It’s not even Christmas anymore. New Year’s like today.”

“At least you’re as snug as a bug in a mug,” You tip your head, watching him as he looks down at the sweater he’s wearing, “Ain’t that dandy?”

“I regret wearing this, it’s ugly as shit.”

“Hey man, don’t do that to the sweater, that’s not even my shitty one.”

“All christmas sweaters are shit if you look _really_ fucking hard.” He pulls at the hem of the sweater but you don’t think he has the intention of taking it off.

“Don’t complain anymore, bro. That’s the only good sweater I got. Unless you want to die in the cold like you said.”

“Ugh.” Karkat sighs and falls on your bed.

“Why’d you come back before New Year’s anyway?” You ask.

“Ask my fucking parents, the bipolar shits.” He replies, staring at the ceiling.

“No thanks, your dad looks terrifying.”

“He’s not,” Karkat pauses, glaring at the floor for no reason, “He’s not really _that_ scary once you get used to him.”

“So, he _is_ scary?” You know you’ve said the wrong thing when he tenses and frowns at you, “Okay, yeah. Wrong words.” You hold your hands up.

“Sometimes, I don’t know if what you’re doing is intentional or not.”

“M’sorry, that I’m an asshole most of all the time.”

Karkat snorts, but doesn’t say anything. You decide to leave your desk and sit on the bed beside him. You don’t know how he could be freezing, the temperature is just right, there is no source of coldness that can be seen anywhere.

He leans against you, sighing. His breathing is wheezy, you just noticed that.

“Your birthday was weeks ago, wasn’t it?” He asks.

“Yeah, no big deal, really,” You reply, “John’s dad baked me a cake, we threw a small party here. It was still nice though, surviving sixteen years on this fucking planet. Haha.”

Karkat chuckles, “I would’ve loved to see your face when John surprised you with an iPhone.”

You grumble, “Turned out to be a piece of paper that said ‘happy birthday’.”

“It’s an inside joke between him and his father.” He shrugs.

“Useless information I can’t be bothered to damn know.”

There’s a bit of silence before Karkat starts talking again.

“I won’t be able to stay here for New Year’s, you know that right?” The brunet murmurs, “I don’t really want upset parents, no matter how shitty they are. Upset people in general suck.”

“You’re upset all the time,” You poke his side, stifling a laugh and settling for a smirk instead, “Okay, how about... Will you at least tell me about the city if you won’t be able to come over? Just tell me stuff that you liked there.”

Karkat grunts, smacking away your hand, “Fine. The hotel was a fancy thing, it was all red carpet and shit. Supposed to be high class, I don’t fucking know,” He shifts his position, “Kankri was as condescending as usual, Mom and Dad were bickering in front of the guy at the front desk. It was all normal, I guess.”

“The room was big and it was on the eighth floor, you could see the entire city from the window. The view was nice. Kankri and I went out to look for food; there was this library café that I really liked. The coffee was great considering the fuck-it-all cold weather. The books were nice too, we stayed there for a bit then we ended up buying some burgers from some place. The meat was shit there.”

 Karkat’s voice sounds nice, even though his voice was hoarse; you think it’s calming enough. The rise and fall of his shoulders and his head on your shoulder..  The weight is comforting.

“Dave?” He’s shaking you slightly.

“Mmm.”

“Fuck you, you’re falling asleep, aren’t you?”

“Man, just keep talking. I’m listening.” _It’d be a shame if you weren’t listening to him talk about what you’ve been nagging him about all this time._

“I’m not doing story time to a sleeping asshole.”

Silence.

...

...

...

“I saw a shit ton of people, the place was packed more than this hellhole. I saw the lights that lit up the whole city at night, but what was better was that I could see this shitty town from there. You would’ve liked it there, I’m goddamn sure of it...”

As you drift off to sleep while he’s talking, you dream about the city that he described with words.

It was a big beautiful place. The streets were bustling with a ton of people. The whole city was full with more people you could ever dream to see. But it was more beautiful at night, with all the lights that you could see from here.

By what you see in your dream, Karkat’s right, you would’ve loved it there.

**\----------**

You wake up with Dirk standing over you, “Dude, holy shit. Don’t go all creepy on me.” You groan.

“Your lil boyfriend left earlier, said his parents called ‘im on the phone. He won’t be celebratin’ New Year’s with us, huh?” Your brother says, unfazed.

“Nah, I didn’t want him to spend the New Year’s here with you band of weirdos.”

“Aw, c’mon, lil bro, we’re all a bunch of weirdos here,” Dirk gives you a frown, “But, you got a point, don’t wanna scare your boyfriend away after scorin’ him so easily.” He smiles like he knows something you don’t.

You raise an eyebrow at him.

“I saw you on the couch when I went down to piss. The flush upstairs was fucked up. Remembered that Vantas was here so I assumed. You know I figure that shit out easily.”

“Bullshit, bro.” You push him away, reaching out for your shades but you forgot that they kicked the bucket.

“What happened to your shades, lil man?” He crosses his arms.

“I didn’t have such a great time trying to get down from John’s room through the window.” Dirk smirks predictably.

“I’ll make sure that all the lights downstairs are open, so you can see some shit.”

“What? Dirk, don’t fuck me over.”

“It’s just a joke, lil dude,” He raises an eyebrow, “But you haul your ass down there to help me and Jake cook. We’re having some fancy as shit roasted chicken for New Year’s.” He leaves on that positive note.

Fuck yeah, you haven’t tasted Jake’s fancy cooking since last year.

“Oh also, you said that John pulled another prank and broke your shades?” Dirk’s head appears in the doorway.

“Yeah?”

“I got an idea, lil man. Now hurry up.” He disappears again. You stand up.

You guess that Karkat’s going to want to text you first so you bring your phone with you downstairs. The lights are thankfully all off except for the kitchen.

The clock says it’s 6 PM. Only six hours left.

You can smell the chicken from here, damn. You approach the kitchen, “What can I help with?”

“Oh, you can set up the table, chap,” Jake nods at you, “For, hmm, five, right?” He looks at Dirk, your brother nods.

“Would’ve been six, but eh.” Dirk’s gaze meets yours to look for any reaction, you’re not gonna give him the damn satisfaction. You look away from the light when getting the plates and utensils.

You open the TV after for background sound. You can’t handle silence well when there are more than two people in the same place.

“Yo! Lil man, put it on MTV,” Dirk yells from the kitchen, “And turn the volume up to forty, it’s New Year’s for fuck’s sake, and I don’t give a shit if they can hear it!” You can’t help but smile, typical of him. But, he did have a point.

You help with the dessert and shit after raising up the volume on the TV.

John, Jade and Bec appear at the door after an hour with movies in hand. They put one in the TV after all five of you vote for two movies.

‘Ghostbusters II’ and ‘The Godfather: Part II’ won. Of course, Egbert had some kind of way to sneak in his goddamn ‘Ghostbusters’ stuff into this. Cheeky bastard.

‘Ghostbusters II’ won because why the hell not? Give John the chance to geek out tonight. ‘The Godfather: Part II’ on the other hand, won because John, Jade and Jake were curious about what it was. You picked it out of pure nostalgia because Dirk always liked the oldie drama films and he always forced you to watch it.

John put in ‘Ghostbusters II’ first, you didn’t mind helping Jake with cooking when the movie started already.

Seeing John and Jade fight over Dirk’s lazy boy near the TV, Dirk being a happy love-struck shit over Jake. Hell, even Bec looks content watching the two cousins bicker. You can’t help but feel lonely, fuck, you can’t feel like a sappy guy right now. Thinking about Karkat only makes you feel alone.

He still hasn’t messaged you since you woke up.

You unconsciously palm the side of your leg where your pocketed phone is.

_But you know you can survive New Year’s without Karkat. Stop being a damn wimp._

Dinner finally comes around when Jake puts a plate of freshly roasted chicken on the center of the table. John leaves the movie playing so all of you could still watch or talk over the noise.

Jade, who is sitting beside you, strikes up a conversation.

“So, Karkat couldn’t come?” She starts.

“Yeah,” You stare blankly at your almost empty plate. You know she’s looking at you with sympathy, even if you can’t see her green eyes, “You know, I find it weird how every event that’s supposed to be happy turns out to be sad or some other negative shit like that. I don’t like it.”

Jade sighs, stabbing her chicken, “Yeah, weird world, isn’t it?”

“It sure fuckin’ is.”

“I’m feeling for some dessert tonight!” Jake claps his hands together, John looks at his empty plate in surprise.

“Jeez, Jake!” John, on the other hand, still has a ton of food on his plate. John eats a lot while Jake eats just fine. You smirk when you remember what the dessert is.

Jade giggles, just finishing off her food as well. She gives the bones to Becquerel, who’s lying at her feet. You don’t eat much but you eat slowly, so you’re just finishing now. Dirk and John are the only ones still eating.

“I don’t know how you guys aren’t fat fucks yet, Christ.” You say, motioning to both of their plates.

“Haha, real funny, Dave.” Dirk glares at you, his shades are hooked on his collar.

Dirk just doesn’t like you ruining his self-confidence.

“Yeah. I’ll just change the movie over there.” You stand up, wincing at the sound of the chair as it moves against the floor like nails on a chalkboard. Noisy.

You walk over to the TV as the end credits are rolling, you look around for the next movie but you can’t find it anywhere.

“Hey, John. Where the hell did you put the movie?”

“What? It’s somewhere there, dude, open your eyes.”

“It’s not anywhere, buckteeth.”

“Fuck, that’s from my dad’s collection. You have to find it, Dave.”

“Me? Why don’t you find it? Get away from your plate for once, you fat ass.” You glare at John, who glares at you back. He gets up from the table though. You help him look around anyway, the movie is nowhere to be found.

“I’ve got an idea, lads.” Jake stands up and leaves the scene, going up the stairs. He gets down after a while, a familiar guitar in hand. The guitar Dirk bought for him for his birthday. It’s a dark brown acoustic one.

“Yeah, let’s sing around an imaginary fireplace, great idea.” You say sarcastically, sarcasm doesn’t affect Jake much anyway.

“Well, it’s the best bit of entertainment I can offer for now. It’s better than watching a screen.” Jake shrugs. John looks offended.

“I second that.” Dirk says, of course he’s going to agree. Your brother is in the kitchen, finished with his food and washing the plates. He likes to get those done quickly. You shrug when Jake looks at you, you’re not taking sides.

“Fine.” John says dejectedly, Jade has moved to the couch with Bec with her. By the time John finally finishes his food, Jake’s already been playing a couple of tunes. He sings sometimes, even with Jade joining in sometimes. You just sit near them; they’re on the carpet so Jake could have more space.

John sits by your right, moving his head sideways in rhythm with Jake’s current song. It doesn’t take him long to notice that you’re silent.

“Hey, c’mon, Dave! No one likes a downer on New Year’s Eve!” He punches your shoulder softly, “At least relax to the music and stuff.”

You blow air out through your nose, “Sure, Egbert. I’ll try to have some fun.”

“Right, dessert!” Dirk shouts over the TV music. You can smell the cupcakes already, “Got some rocking peanut butter cupcakes over here!” You watch as the delicious smell of freshly baked cupcakes reaches John and you watch in satisfaction as horror slowly creeps onto his face.

“P-Peanut butter??” He whips around to look at you, “That is not fair! You don’t use allergies in pranking!”

“Allergies? Oh, shit, that’s right,” You act surprised, “Well, too bad. I bet the cupcakes taste delish, my man.” John glares at you as you stand up and walk over to the dining table and get a plateful for Jake and Jade. Dirk baked a lot of fucking cupcakes.

‘’Mm! This tastes awesome!” Jade says as she takes a bite out of the cupcake, she gives one to Becquerel. You pat the white dog, he hasn’t bothered you for today so you give him another cupcake.

Dirk joins you all on the carpet as he puts the last batch of cupcakes in the middle of your little circle, Dirk’s sitting to your left with Jake sitting by his other side. John is to your right with Jade sitting between him and Jake.

You’re on your twenty-sixth cupcake when you hear the doorbell ringing. Jake stops playing and the room grows silent.

“Hey, lil man, why don’t you answer that?” Dirk nudges you.

“Oh yeah, alright.” You say and stand up, you can hear John and Jade whisper to each other when you turn your back to them. You open the door with the chain still in.

And it’s Karkat. Of course, it’s Karkat.

“Hey.” He says, looking up at you.

“Dude, shit, wait,” You close the door and unchain it, you open it again and step out, “So, you made it.”

“Barely.” Karkat rolls his eyes.

“Couldn’t last through New Year’s without ol’ me, hmm?” You smirk and he smacks your arm softly, it stings more than it should because of the cold though.

“I only have until ten.”

“Let’s make the best of that then, shall we?

“Listen,” Karkat grasps your arm. You don’t really feel like staying at here anymore, it’s getting too cold, “Your goddamn brother, he talked to my parents about this. Sweet talked them, so thank him after I go, alright?” You widen your eyes in surprise.

“Yeah, I sure will.” You thank Dirk silently then and there. You go inside with him following.

He joins the circle of people you call your family, sitting to your left because Dirk let him sit there. He laughs when Dirk or Jake makes a joke. He steals one of your cupcakes that is lined up in front of you to eat. He even joins in on the songs.

The fireworks start an hour after, you don’t bother looking because it’s just the same stuff, same colors, and same formations. But Karkat nags you to at least look through one of the big windows in the living room, you think it’s supposed to be a romantic thing.

You decide to kiss him quickly while he’s standing beside you, you bend down and kiss him on the head, lacing an arm around his shoulders.

_Smooth._

 You look back at the window, the fireworks are as colorful as always. Red, Blue, Green, Purple, Yellow, Orange. A shit ton of colors.

After you sit back down in the circle, with only a few more minutes until Karkat’s visit is over. Jake plays a [familiar tune](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3M1COqZ5b8) on his guitar, you remember it from last year. It was the one he really liked to play because it was just happy an upbeat.

You decide to join in on that song when the middle verse starts.

“Ah the fitful sleep and the fire engines  
That I dream of when I dream  
Someday we'll both wake up for good  
I will try hard not to scream  
The evening wind will shake the blinds  
You're stirring from your slumber  
We've got something hateful on our minds..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ a small shoutout to sharkskin and their story (even tho it old) cuz woo boy i love it](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7488090) its also where i got that dear lil song :]
> 
> good morning/night, i hope yall have a great time with whatever and see yall again


	9. is this filler?? is this plot?? no one knows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo again im back with an update wooooo  
> isnt it exciting theres also coding 
> 
> fucking coding

John gets you a new pair of shades after New Year’s. You chat with the two cousins more often so your friendship with them won’t go through the shitter again.

Karkat goes silent on that day after New Year’s, not answering any of your messages or calls, and then the day after, he talks to you like nothing happened. He told you before that he sometimes disappears from the radar, becomes completely recluse.

Only he knows why.

Christmas Break ends after two days.

School starts out rough, the group of assholes left you alone but they still bothered Karkat and that did not sit right with you. Fortunately, your boyfriend lets you be his 24/7 bodyguard so they left him alone because the cowards are still afraid of you.

There are still some days that lead you to being absent and Karkat doesn’t talk much to you on the phone or on Pesterchum.

One day though, a rumor started to spread, that you two were together. You didn’t mind the stares and whispers but when you hear them say “faggot” or “gay”? It’s a stab to your self-esteem but you still try to move on with every day.

But it hurts you even more when seeing the glares that people give Karkat and how they treat him like shit; it’s a definite change from when they used to ignore him. You notice the way people just fucking _recoil_ from both of you like you’re both carrying a disease.

You know it’s affecting Karkat more than it’s affecting you. He’s sort of watered down; different from the Karkat you’ve been with during Christmas Break. But you can’t just fucking lose him right now in this madness that is high school. So you talk to him on the way to school or on the way home to keep his spirits up, you still make him laugh at certain points but the trip usually ends with silence. You try your hardest, honestly.

Sometimes you walk home alone to clear your mind. You’re often accompanied by a lighter and a box of cigarettes. Fuck if you weren’t taking these lonely silent trips as a free pass to smoking.

Relationships are more complicated than you thought. Fuck all of Karkat’s romcoms.

One time though, when you were walking alone from school after staying for a few hours to discuss some projects with classmates that aren’t completely disgusted by you. You happened to walk by the club that Dirk works at by taking a different route through the town. Then.. you hear sobbing. Huh.

Knowing the people here, it could have been anyone really, the usual drunk with no life, a depressed kid from your school, or.. a bitchy girlfriend.

But the sobbing sounds came from a bitchy girlfriend.

**\---**

_“Dave?” You hear his soft, familiar voice. You look up, wiping your tears away. You can’t let him see._

_“Dave? Hey bud, what are you doing out here?” Dirk kneels down to your height, “Why weren’t you at school?” You shake your head, refusing to talk, talking is so hard._

_Why is it so hard? Whywhywhywhywhy_

_“Did anything happen?”_

_You nod, wrapping your arms around yourself tightly, wanting the pain to go away._

_“Was it about your eyes again?”_

_You nodnodnodnodnod because he is so correct._

_Dirk sighs, not a “I’m-disappointed-in-you” sigh but just a tired one. He sits beside you, his back against the wall of the apartment._

_“Was it the two boys again? Did they hurt you physically?”_

_Physically?  You forgot what that means._

_“Did they hurt you anywhere?” Dirk repeats when he feels that you’re confused._

_You shake your head._

_“You want to talk about it over ice cream? Mrs. Gibson gave me twenty dollars today.”_

_You shake your head again, hugging yourself tighter, you feel sick like you might throw up. But Dirk wouldn’t like you throwing up._

_How can you throw up when you haven’t eaten anything at school? How does your body work like that? How can it do that?_

_“You want something other than ice cream? How about chips?” He asks again, he wants you to feel better, “Apple juice?”_

_You shakeshakeshakeshakeshake your head._

_“Let’s go in then, I’ll let you take the TV this time.” He pats your shoulder, giving you a comforting smile. He takes your bag and stands up, holding out his hand._

_You stare at it, thinking if you should take it or not._

_You take it._

**_\----------_ **

_And you take it as he’s in the door way, with his backpack hanging from left shoulder. Dirk gives you a bittersweet smile._

_“I promise, I’ll be back, lil dude. You’ll be out of this hellhole too, but not right now. Right now, you need stay here and just hold on. They’ll let you use the computer and you tell me, tell me what’s going on here while I’m away, alright?”_

_You nod, frowning. He’ll be back, he’ll be back._

_As he hugs you one more time, you realize that life’s going to be like hell and that you might not survive this._

**\---**

You grit your teeth as you see Vriska Serket, holding a bottle in one hand and flipping you off with the other, sitting in the dark alleyway that leads to the back entrance of the club.

You consider just leaving her there, but she looks awfully wasted and you don’t think Egbert would like to find out that you ignored and left his drunk girlfriend, who was crying, in a dark alleyway.

Damnit, you still have a fucking heart.

“Serket?” You let your burnt cigarette drop to the ground.

“Fuck off.” She throws away the bottle, which was once in her hands, into the darkness. There’s a distinct ‘glass smashing’ sound at the end of the alleyway.

“John wouldn’t like to find out that his girlfriend is a completely under-aged drinker, would he?”

“You can’t do shit about it, dickhead.”

“Why are you out here in this fuckin’ weather?”

“I’m warm enough.” That statement completely contradicts itself as you see her shivering when a cold breeze passes by.

“Listen, as much as I want to leave you out here because you’re like a colossal bitch, sympathy still exists in my range of feelings.”

“Tch, sympathy? Bull-fucking-shit, loser. Just drop the act and leave me be, you’re making it worse.”

“What worse?”

“Um? None of your fucking business. God! Just leave me alone!” Vriska snaps, her voice is still hoarse from crying. You sigh in irritation.

_You’re gonna regret doing this._

You slip off your knapsack from your shoulders and take off your coat.

“What are you doing?” She hisses as you throw her the red clothing.

“Preventing you from getting hypothermia. Go home for fuck’s sake, I don’t know how you stand can stand this snow. You can give the coat back another time when you have one yourself.” You can’t help but make your tone a bit condescending.

She stares at the coat for a few seconds then drapes it over herself.

“Thanks.” She murmurs.

You run back home.

Dirk asks you why you’re covered in snow; you tell him that you lent it to someone. He lets you eat dinner in peace.

You can’t help but stare at your older brother; he hasn’t changed a single bit. He’s still an asshole, a caring asshole. He disapproves sometimes when you care more for others than for yourself but you don’t mind, you know his intentions anyway.

Tonight is a silent night, no message from Karkat, John or Jade. There’s only Rose.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG]  began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

TG: whats up man

TT: Hello Dave, I haven’t heard from you in a while.

TG: yeah sorry i was kind of doing other stuff. belated new years

TT: Yes, belated New Year’s.

TT: Did you have anyone to kiss?

TG: maybe

TG: how about you have you been macking on anyone that i havent heard of

TT: Yes, in fact. You’re the first to know of this.

TG: wait really

TG: holy shit you actually scored some ass

TG: its gay isnt it

TT: I cannot deny. It seems I’ve been cursed with the same faith as you. To be a homosexual forever.

TG: i sexually identify as an apache helicopter lalonde

TG: i am no homo

TT: Is that so? May I ask if you have seen any good missiles?

TG: the finest fuckin missiles i am the fucking missile magnet

TG: youve got no idea how much fine missiles ive seen in my life

TT: Probably none.

TG: wow you had to ruin my game

TG: how rude of you

TG: so rude

TG: *too* rude

TG: you are the rudest rude that has ever rude

TT: Are you done?

TG: no

TG: very rude

TT: ...

TG: ...

TG: yes

TT: Alright, noted.

TT: Also, probably later if my calculations are correct. You’ll get something.

TT: It’s best to stay up late.

TG: if you were trying to kill me with curiosity and lack of sleep then i might as well be buried already

TT: Good evening, Dave.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

Great.

You weren’t planning on sleeping early today anyway.

Goddamn, Lalonde.

**\----------**

You’re up until 10 PM, waiting for the “something”.

Vriska messages you on Pesterchum while you’re practicing Jake’s guitar. He left it here when you asked if he could teach you how to play, he told you to get used to the strumming first.

You unblocked Vriska earlier to see if she’d say anything to you.

She’s saying something, alright.

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG]  began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

AG: Heu looooower!

AG: Letd just not swy anyting a8out what happened eaflier, oll give you 8ack yoyr voat 8y tomorrow.

AG: 8ut Im just going to say that I screeeewed up reeeeeaaal fuckin haard so you cqn fuck off and stay sulebt.

AG: Ill even pay you if you juwt xip your mouth and keep thisss 8etweeeen us, 8k8y????????

TG: jesus youre wasted

TG: pay me?

TG: dude what the fuck

TG: you dont need to pay me for anything

TG: im not a fucking snitch okay

TG: i dont need money to help anyone out

AG: Ooookay, your weirddd.

TG: why were you outside anyway, you do have a house right

AG: Not your 8udimmess!!!!!!!!

TG: holy shit

TG: you actually dont have a house

TG: where are you right now

AG: At the xclu8? Where else wold I fuuucking 8e, idiot?

TG: hold on

You exit Pesterchum and dial John.

“Dave?”

“Hey, bro. I need you to search-and-rescue your girlfriend.”

“What?!”

“I found her earlier behind the club, I left her my coat. She’s wasted as hell.”

“Oh fuck, you can’t use your bike at this time?”

“The street’s covered in ice on the way to the club.”

“Can you come with me? I can’t walk her by my own.”

You pause and sigh, “Yeah.”

You hang up, John’s gonna stop by your house anyway.

AG: Heyy whered you go????????

AG: Dont leeeeaaave please ::((

AG: Come ooonnnn

AG: What thee fukcc are you ijubg

AG: H8lloo8888888888888ooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

AG: Heeeee88ellloooooo8888888oooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AG: Ugh i d8ntttt have t8mmm8888eeeeeeeeeeee for r thiss!!!

TG: stay there dont fucking move a muscle i swear to god

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering arachnidsGrip [AG]] \--

**\----------**

After helping John take Vriska to his house, you walk home alone. It’s silent again.

Your mind travels back to that time, god, who knew that she’d fucking do that kind of shit. Your wrists start to tingle and you furiously rub them until they’re red. No, no, no.

You cannot do this. This is too much for one day.

Your phone rings.

Look who it is.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

CG: WHAT IN GOD’S FUCKING NAME WERE YOU THREE DOING.

CG: I LOOK OUT THE WINDOW FOR A NICE VIEW AND INSTEAD GET THREE IDIOT TEENS THAT ARE APPARENTLY, UHM, DRUNK??

TG: man look i just found vriska in an alleyway behind the club and me and john went and rescued her

CG: VRISKA.

CG: VRISKA BY VRISKA SERKET?

CG: JOHN’S FUCKING GIRLFRIEND?

TG: yeah turns out she doesnt have a house so shes staying at johns for the mean time

CG: OH.

CG: LOOK UP.

You stop walking and look up.

Karkat’s by his window, waving at you. You smile softly and wave back.

TG: hey there kat

TG: why are you still awake

TG: its like late as balls already

CG: MY PARENTS ARE ARGUING.

CG: IT’S NOT EXACTLY A FUCKING LULLABY.

TG: ah

TG: im just waiting for something

TG: my friend rose said ill get “something” tonight and shes never really led me wrong

CG: OH. WE CAN TALK WHILE YOU WAIT.

TG: yeah i guess that sounds nice

And you do that until 12 AM. You know, fuck sleeping.

As you hear the doorbell from downstairs, you tell Karkat to wait for a few seconds.

You’re greeted with a scrawny short dude with a Mohawk.

“Oh, uhm, hi, you’re Dave Strider?” The mail dude looks nervous.

“Yeah.” You cross your arms.

“He-here, gosh, it’s freezing,” He mutters as he hands you the box, a clipboard and a pen, “Also just sign there.”

“Right, okay, thanks. You enjoy whatever it is that’s in there.” You watch as he gives you a hesitant smile and he backs away, walking to his motorcycle parked near the curb.

You run upstairs to tell Karkat that it’s here. You start a video call so he can see what’s in the package.

You tear through the packaging and the sealed plastic bag.

It’s a Christmas sweater with a matching scarf.

“Damn, Lalonde, you show off.” You show the articles of clothing to Karkat, he says they’re nice.

Inside the bag there’s a Christmas card with the signature writing of only Rose Lalonde.

 

Dear, David,

This  was supposed to reach you on Christmas but due to the hard work I have put into these just for you, they were delayed and only sent now. By the time you receive this, you may be exhausted. Happy New Year’s instead.  

Love, Rose Lalonde

PS. I wish you the best of luck with Karkat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright so i hafta ask if i should write the "Operation: Rescue Vriska" as a chapter. even if its a no, im still probably going to write it because ive kind of planned it now and it's got some story in it, not written yet though.
> 
> also i really tried making rose's font a cursive font or rage italic or something like that but im just too tired tonight, im on the brink of a sunday and im not so happy knowing that im going to stay in hell again for straight five days
> 
> have a good day/night ladies and gentlemen and see you guys again


	10. Intermission : lets travel back in time to see what happened back there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess whos back  
> me  
> hahahHHAHAHAHAHAHAH
> 
> i dont know if this chap counts as something but cw for slight blood and dark thoughts i guess  
> i kind of touched vriska with the emo stuff im sorry  
> shit also minor char death its just really minor :/
> 
> [But first, the weather.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqQhZyclvc4)

**.....**

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG]  began pestering  ghostyTrickster [GT] \--

AG: Hiiiiiiii John! ::::)

GT: oh geez hey vris!

GT: what made you message me in the middle of class?

AG: Well, you did tell me earlier that you had no teacher for that class, riiiiiiiight?

GT: oh yeah, i didn’t really think you’d remember that haha.

GT: we’re just doing seatworks right now. i’m probably gonna skip a meeting later so i can come home early. you can stay at the house if you want.

AG: No thanks, I have some shit to do today. XXXXO

GT: oh okay! well i’m free whenever you need meeeeeeee.

AG: Ciao!

GT: wait vriska

AG: ????????

GT: i uh

GT: crap never mind

GT: anyways catch you later!

AG: See you, John.

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG]  ceased pestering  ghostyTrickster [GT] \--

Yeah. Things to fucking do, great. Nice excuse, Serket.

You look around the dark empty room for nothing, nothing, and nothing. You’re expecting something to be there but there’s _nothing._ You look down

_This is so wrong._

_You don’t even know where you are anymore._

You look at your phone again, staring at the chumhandle at the top of the list. Should you try messaging her today?

_No, she’s going to be annoyed at you because you didn’t talk to her at all before. You know she’s going to be, even if she doesn’t say so._

_But, she’s never lied to you before. That doesn’t mean that you can believe in her always though, does it? Fuck, you don’t know. You don’t know anything. Yeah, you don’t know shit._

_No one will ever know how hard it is to just message someone. They’d say, “Oh, you just type a bunch of words and hit ‘enter’, it’s that easy!”._

_It’s not._

She, herself told you to message her every day, if you couldn’t, then every other day.

You didn’t talk to her at all after you left though.

_You’re horrible._

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG]  began pestering  gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

AG: Uhm, hi, Terezi.

: How are you, giiiiiiiirl? ::::)

GC: >8O!!!

GC: VR1SK4

GC: YOU D1D NOT M3SS4G3 M3 4T 4LL

GC: BUT 1 4M F4NT4ST1C4LLY F1NE

GC: 1 W4NT TO KNOW WH4T YOUV3 B33N DO1NG

GC: AND WH3R3 YOU 4R3 NOW

GC: > :]

GC: >:]

AG: I’m somewhere that’s average, I guess.

AG: Kind of a lame place 8ut I’ve met some new people.

GC: OOH S3CR3T1V3

GC: 1LL CR4CK YOUR C4S3 SOON 3NOUGH S3RK3T

GC: 4ND B3FOR3 1 FORG3T

GC: WHOR3 TH3 P3OPL3 TH4T YOU M3T??

AG: That’s “who’re”, right????????

GC: Y3S

GC: 1F YOU T3LL M3 TO US3 4POSTROPH3S

GC: 1 4M GO1NG TO CHOK3 MYS3LF WITH 4 BOX OF CH4LK

AG: Oh jesus fuck, pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaseeeeeeee don’t. I was just going to tell you that you should stop using contractions. Stop eating that formed powdery shit.

GC: TH4T TOOK YOU LONG 3NOUGH TO TYP3

GC: D1D YOU H4V3 TO COUNT TO 31GHT THR33 T1M3S??

GC: H3H3H3H3H3H333 >;]

AG: Yeah, haha. Did you even read what I typed????????

GC: TH3R3 YOU GO 4G41N

AG: Ooooooooh my god.

GC: 1 C4N B4R3LY S33 WH4T YOUR3 TYP1NG 4NYW4Y >:]

GC: YOUR3 TYP1NG 4NGR1LY 4G41N

GC: 4R3NT YOU

GC: 1 C4N S3NS3 YOUR 4NG3R FROM H3R3

GC: 1 W1LL COND3MN YOU TO Y34RS OF S1L3NC3 1F YOU DONT STOP WRITING NOT-R34LLY-OFF3NS1V3 1NSULTS

GC: YOU C4NT DOUBT TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TORS POW3RS!!

AG: 8lind girl.

GC: 1M NOT R34LLY BL1ND BUT N1C3 TRY

AG: You’re like practically 8lind, how could anyone tolerate seeing everything in red????????

GC: 3XCUS3 M3

GC: MY S1ST3R??

AG: At least she didn’t wear red glasses for more than three years.

GC: TH4T 1SNT 4 N1C3 TOP1C TO JOK3 4BOUT

AG: Well, you 8rought it up.

GC: GR34T LOOK

GC: NOW YOU M4D3 M3 S4D

GC: > :[

GC: PYR4LSP1T3 1S S4D TOO

AG: That lizard is still alive?

GC: OBV1OUSLY

GC: H4H4H4H4H4HH

GC: H3S T1CKL1NG MY N3CK

GC: PF3H3H3H33H3H3H3

GC: S33

GC: 4T L34ST H3S 4 B3TT3R FR13ND TH4N YOU

AG: What the fuck. How can he 8e tickling your neck????????

GC: H3S ON MY SHOULD3R

GC: POOR OBS3RV4T1ON SK1LLS S3RK3T

AG: Isn’t he one of those lizards that have spikes and shit all over them? How is that tickling you?

GC: 1 DONT KNOW!! >:D

GC: L1ST3N

GC: 1 KNOW YOU TOLD M3 4BOUT TH1S

GC: BUT

GC: 1 R4N 1NTO YOUR S1ST3R TOD4Y

GC: B3FOR3 YOU G3T 4NGRY

GC: 1 W4S JUST 1N MY B4CKY4RD

GC: PL4YING W1TH PYR4LSP1T3

GC: 4ND SH3 JUST 4PP34R3D

GC: ...

GC: VR1SK4 4R3 YOU ST1LL TH3R3

GC: >:?

AG: Terezi, could we pl8ase just n8t talk a8out th8s today, please.

GC: > :[

GC: YOU KNOW

GC: SH3 TOLD M3 4 STORY 4BOUT YOU

GC: HOW UNH4PPY YOU W3R3 B3FOR3

GC: YOU KNOW

GC: YOU C4NT L13 TO M3 TH4T YOU 4R3NT R1GHT NOW

AG: Ok8y!!!!!!!! So, what if I am????????

AG: Why should I believe that sh8 cares a8out m8????????

GC: 1 N3V3R S41D SH3 D1D

GC: YOUR3 DO1NG 1T 4G41N VR1SK4

GC: YOUR3 TH1NK1NG 4BOUT 1T 4G41N

GC: VR1SK4

GC: VR1SK4???

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG]  ceased pestering  gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

You silence and close your phone and throw it onto the coat on the floor. You can still see the screen flashing angrily at you and the teal colored text.

You choose to ignore it. Whatever Terezi is saying, you can fucking read later. She doesn’t have the right. She doesn’t.

_But she’s still your friend after all._

You lean to your right to get your backpack. You can barely see it, but it’s there. You take out your favorite blanket that you brought with you and a throw pillow. You also leave your flashlight open.

_You can’t face the dark. Not yet._

Yet here you are.

**\----------**

You sigh, of course she chickens out of the conversation. She hates it when you talk about her family after all.

“Okay, Pyralspite! Back to your cozy home!” You decide to take your mind off the issue and grin at the white lizard in your hands and put him back in the vivarium-

Wait! Hold on a minute, something smells fishy here. Judging by the softness and color of this thing you’re holding, you discover, it is not your lizard-y friend but a scale mate! It is not an ordinary scale mate, it seems.

“Inspector Berrybreath?? What are you doing here?!” You sniff and glare at the intruding officer and you put him on your table, “What did you do with Pyralspite?”

“Pyralspite??” You kneel down on the floor, “Pyralspite, where are you?”

Then suddenly something soft falls on your head, you look at it. It’s Berrybreath again. He couldn’t have fallen on his own though. Hmm. This needs more investigation!

You stand up again.

“Pyralspite, there you are!” You grin as you see the aforementioned lizard on your desk, “Stop playing around, you little rascal.” You pick up the _white_ , _rough-skinned_   lizard from the table and set him down in his vivarium.

“Hehe, vivarium. That’s such a fancy word for home.” You giggle, watching him disappear behind the big rock that’s practically his bed.

 Near your closed bedroom door, the intercom comes to life, it’s your sister that’s talking. “Terezi, it’s dinner time!” You stand silently for a moment or two, looking around your obnoxiously colored room.

You have piles of colorful plushie pals called scalemates that are good for roleplaying, a few books about law and boxes of chalk all around the place. The walls are decorated with your chalk drawings of the court you role play in but there were no cases today.

You walk over to the intercom and tell your sister that you’ll be down in a few more minutes. Latula is too impatient sometimes but she’s mostly chill. The only thing you don’t like about her is that she refuses to role play with you because her boyfriend Mituna is always around and not just physically. You think it’d be the end of the world if she isn’t on the phone for once.

“Have a few snacks, I’ll get back to you later.” You drop three crickets into the vivarium and give the bearded dragon a pat on the head. You close the sliding glass and leave your room with the door closed behind you.

**\----------**

“Are you sure you’re gonna stay at my place tonight, Vris?” John asks once he sits in the booth across from you.

“Oh hi, Jooohn,” You don’t look up at him, “Sadly, no. I told you, business.”

“That sucks.” He’s pouting, you can tell.

“Such a tragedy. Anyways, what’s been going on with your grandma? You haven’t talked about her in a while.” You glance at him.

“She’s, uh, gone. She kicked the bucket two days ago.” John whispers. You stare at him in surprise.

“That long? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It just kinda brought me down for a while, you know? I mean like, somebody just died. I don’t think that’s really something you should share with the whole world.”

“You’re saying you don’t trust me?” You raise an eyebrow.

“No, no!” He immediately puts his hands up and he’s shaking his head, “I trust you a lot, Vriska, don’t get me wrong! But I don’t think I’m ready to share everything that’s going on in my life.”

“Right, so?”

“What?” The teenager looks puzzled. Jesus Christ.

“You know, I’m here. I’m the person you can talk to if you’re troubled and shit.”

“You’re giving me mixed signals here.” He scratches his head, “Are you alright, Vriska?”

“I’m fine. I’m fucking fine. You know what we should do? Eat.” You raise your hand to grab the waiter’s attention. Fuck, that asshole is taking his sweet time getting here.

Meanwhile, John is just staring at you.

Both of you get your food eventually. You confronted the waiter somewhere private after eating; he managed to fix himself up. You sit back down at the booth.

“What did you do?” John raises an eyebrow.

“Oh, cut the crap, John. You know what I did.” You scowl.

“Well, if it is what I think it is. You need to stop threatening people.” He actually has a strong tone in his voice now. John’s actually fucking growing balls now.

“Point fucking taken, okay? Just do your shitty homework.”

“What I’m just saying is that you need to kind of tone your aggressive down a notch!” John continues on running his mouth. Ugh.

You put your hands on the table, glaring at him, “If all you’re going to do is talk about this. Maybe, I don’t need to accompany you today.” Your boyfriend’s blue eyes grow wide.

“Wait, no, Vriska? Come on!”

But you’re already out anyway.

You also forgot your coat inside but no way in hell are you going back there again. That’s just fucking embarrassing.

_You’re embarrassing._

Somehow you manage to walk by the nightclub, freezing to death. The bouncer grudgingly lets you walk inside after you show him your fake ID. That Captor guy makes the best in the city, you swear.

At least the nightclub provides some kind of heat.

You sit at the bar area of the club and order a Sex on the Beach. Your phone is also buzzing violently, it’s most probably John. Fuck him right now.

You decide to walk around and not just sit on the stool lamely drinking your cocktail.

The music gets even louder when you approach the crowd on the dance floor. It is just pure trash; you swear the DJ has the worst music taste ever. You can barely see him because of all the people blocking your view and all the lights but you’re pretty sure he’s a blond.

This nightclub should not hire tone-deaf people. Does he even hear what he’s playing right now?

Well, the people seem to be enjoying the music. No thanks.

You go back to bar and buy a whole bottle of whatever the bartender gave you.

You just can’t stand this fucking place now, if this DJ was in your city, he wouldn’t even be a DJ. He’d probably some lowlife scum that you always saw on the streets. Yeah, you’d have more fun with him in that way.

_Christ, why can’t you just go home if you just hate everything here?_

_Something is telling you, ‘No’_

You leave the club and end up in the alley, drinking from the bottle.

You’re freezing but the drink is setting your insides on fire because it is fucking hot.

You don’t know what to feel anymore.

That’s when Asshole McGee comes along with his cigarettes.

_There goes your bottle._

He does lend you his coat which is fucking nice if you weren’t crying when he was here.

_There goes your dignity._

You also made a pathetic attempt of messaging him after several minutes but that’s when you were fucking wasted already.

He comes back but he’s apparently not alone.

Fucking John Egbert.

“Vriska? Are you alright? Oh geez, you’re freezing!” John puts his hand on your arm. Freezing? Haha, no. You feel like you’re bathing in boiling water.

“Get the fuck away!” You snap, smacking his hand away.

“Shit, hey. Fuckin’ chill there, Serket.” Dave holds you down when you start unleashing all hell on John, because fuck him.

_Fuck him._

_Fuck everyone._

“Don’t touch me, motherfucker!” You try to break free from his grip but the fucker’s stronger than he looks.

“Vriska, calm down!” John’s panicking now.

You try to hit Strider but he really has a steel grip on your wrists. He pulls you up but you stumble, pulling him down with you.  He accidentally lets go of you and you shove him backward, not giving him any time to react.

You also push away John when he approaches you and you shout at him. Telling him to leave you alone, that they should just leave you here to freeze to death.

_Because you’re drowning, you’re drowning, you’re drowning. The pressure is too much to handle. The weight is heavy and tiring._

Dave looks somehow conflicted.

Then you stumble again when stepping backward and you fall on your back. There’s pain.

Fuck, are those the glass shards?

You put your hand against the cold floor.

It’s the shards.

Your hand is bleeding.

Shit.

The fact that you’re bleeding doesn’t make you scared but the fact that you actually _enjoy_ the pain does.

You just stare at your hand, watching the blood snake its way down from your palm to your wrist then the inside part of your forearm, all the way to your elbow pit.

You close your hand into a fist, the shards dig in deeper.

“Oh god, are you okay?” It’s John again. He’s pulling you up into a sitting position. You don’t respond. You honestly don’t care anymore, “Dave, we need to get her to the house like right now.” The aforementioned blond stands still for a while until responding.

“Copy that shit, Egbert.” He grabs his coat before walking towards you. You’re lifted up by your arms. John’s on your right and Dave’s on your left.

You don’t really remember much after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also its been a month and three(two??) days since i last updated, proof of my lack of getting my shit together. sorry  
> and vs and tz are kind of ooc, chapters not so long so yeah. x3 sorry combo  
> im actually bad at characters overall. :P
> 
> but overall, i guess im feeling great. i hope whoever reads this does too. ty for still reading this lmao  
> and as always, good evening/morning/noon/whatever, ladies, gents, and apaches and see yall next time i manage to write a full chapter


	11. DISCONTINUED

So it's been a long fucking ass time since I updated this. 

The regular stuff, I go out of cycle and forget about this story, come back a few days later and have no more motivation to read or write this.

But I appreciated even the smallest support that this got, especially that certain someone that taught me about snow (Miki_and_company, thanks.) All those people that kudo'd even if you didn't stay around for the few 10 chapters.

I'm not going to delete this, unlike my other story which I am utterly ashamed of, I must have been high while writing that. I'm going to keep this here as a reminder, that I got this far in writing a story and all the people who read this.

Thank you, and good morning, good afternoon, good night.

**Author's Note:**

> i've technically abandoned VfR for this but ill get on that soon. i just gotta regain my wrting roots. 
> 
> feedback is appreciated\
> 
> (and man holy FUCK this was annoying to code)


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